Good Lord, I am anxious. I guess I must have expected to hear from H after he got his little "gift" and I havent gotten an email....I don't know if it's good, bad or in between, but of course I am absolutely terrified he will get back w/OW...........I ask myself why, and the answer is, because he has before....Except, NEVER before has he put his wedding ring on, and he did tell me he would live up to his recommittment if and when he made it. It's possible he's incredibly busy with vacation coming up....I am just so very anxious....I don't think it would be as bad if we had ML or had much time to talk or snuggle or anything this morning..........
I'm amazed, I'm just absolutely terrified that he'll hook back up w/OW while he's over at the other building today....had a couple very brief emails this am but nothing else. Surely after all he went through this weekend and putting his ring back on and telling me he just couldnt imagine his life with out me, he will stick with it. Plus S has seen/noticed his Dad's wedding ring being on....poor kid would just be devastated to have to go back through this....gotta go....still need all your prayers!
Quote: I'm amazed, I'm just absolutely terrified that he'll hook back up w/OW while he's over at the other building today....
It's okay, it's a natural fear. Deep breath. I used to hate it when H went to work at his old position, since I knew the b!tch had a habit of going in. I was thoroughly convinced that if he talked to her, even just a little bit, he would magically fall under her powers again. Like it was some sort of voodoo. But, I can assure you, the fear will gradually fade. One day at a time, one step at a time, you will be fine. You won! He's wearing his ring!
I know you are right Nevanna, I just gotta stay calm and make our time together count. I have to say it feels like some kind of voodoo though! This has all been so out of character for H... I was right about the shirt though....It is a purplish Black Diamond T-shirt I've never seen before....Sorry, the dirty clothes hamper in our room is not offlimits to me...yes, I did look. Interesting he threw the shirt in the laundry though. Even more interesting that he wants his t-shirt back. If I was her, that would tick me off.
I just keep hoping that since he finally put his ring on, that this is it and now we can start to heal and put the pieces of a good M together. I guess I'm just still so gun shy from all the lying, it has hurt so bad, and I think he's probably been still going to see her for the last 2 0r 3 months when I was trying so hard to accept that he was going to the office. Ouch that hurts! But he's wearing his ring, and there's no faking the emotional state he was in Saturday.... He was a little bit irritable yesterday evening, and that increases my anxiety, I guess. Someone here told me to expect that, and I know it isn't unusual. Oh well, I hope we have a good evening when he gets home about 8:30. That would help a lot. In the meantime, I'm going to go do my three mile exercise tape and do some cleaning....
The good news is I might be down another 5 lbs, I havent weighed for at least 2 weeks, and according to the scale I'm down, but our scale is weird sometimes so I never trust it to the nth degree either!
Quote: I guess I'm just still so gun shy from all the lying, it has hurt so bad, and I think he's probably been still going to see her for the last 2 0r 3 months
I know the feeling exactly. In all honesty, I never started to heal from H's PA until he got layed off (= made up story to fire him) from that bar. Until I truly knew she was gone, and neither one of us would ever see her again. One day at a time, the pain won't just all vanish, but it will get a little better with each passing day. I promise.
One thing that helped me was that I decided I wasn't going to let what some stupid, manipulative woman did interfere in my life. I wasn't going to let her win, let her bust up my M. Maybe not the best of attitudes...LOL...but it helped me through the first few weeks, when it was really the worst.
Something else that will help you--start to make new, fresh, good memories with H. If he's a little cranky, it's okay, he's hurting too. But try to build a "new" life with your H. Another thing that has helped me...I consider our "old" M/R to be gone. Now H and I have a new one! Sure, it's the same guy. But this is a different R now, and so all the old baggage is out the window.
I actually, on my worst days, mentally pack a suitcase (stuffing in the cartoonish limp body of a certain woman I hate...kind of comical, actually, with and arm an a leg sticking out... ) and then throw it off a cliff. Sort of something more solid in my mind to demonstrate "getting rid of old baggage."
I've read that letting go of the anger for the other person can be helpful--clearly I haven't. Maybe, in time. I think six months is still too fresh for me.
Hope some of this helps! I know exactly how you feel.
Thanks Nevanna, it does help. I'm just surprised I guess at how unsure I feel. I expected it, but I didn't expect it to be this strong. H said last night as we went to bed, he wished he was feeling better and being able to sleep, said "I know I'm kind of grumpy with this and I'm sorry"....so I guess I should take that as reassurance....he hasnt slept well for literally weeks, maybe slept better last night. But his allergies are terrible, his stomach is upset, and he literally has black circles under his eyes down to his cheek bones, and his face looks very drawn and pinched. He obviously is not feeling well, either physically or emotionally, and work is really hectic with trying to get all his pts seen before we go on vacation.
Which brings up another point of anxiety for me. He has to do a presentation at the end of the day today, and then has told me he will probably stay and do paperwork for a couple of hours....till 8 or so. gulp.....I'm still so afraid he'll see her, although I know lots of folks are stuggling with their paperwork and it's worse to be getting ready to leave on vacation.
I guess I need some more reassurance from him, and I don't know how to ask for it with out seeming distrustful or clingy (duh, that's exactly what I am right now!)
Hey Deb, I've been following your sitch. Sorry I haven't had time to post. Things have been crazy at work, and at home and you always have so much to go through.
This is all so great.
I wonder if the shirt was for OW to sleep with.
My H also has a momento in my livingroom - a cheap lighted globe - and a scarf on his jacket - that OW bought him. I'm leaving it alone. This weekend, we have a party planned and I am going to ask him to clean livingroom and hope he cleans that out as well.
But, I can assure you, the fear will gradually fade. One day at a time, one step at a time, you will be fine. You won! He's wearing his ring! 
) and then throw it off a cliff. Sort of something more solid in my mind to demonstrate "getting rid of old baggage."