I've come to realize a few things in hindsight here...
first of all, H has most likely continued to see her...most weekends anyway, when he told me he was going to the office....that kind of makes trust even more of a challenge, but I know he is telling the truth now from the way he is acting.
I finally figured out what he meant when he said I "thought all he was interested in was sex and it was insulting"....duh....he meant he felt I was denigrating his R w/OW, not acknowledging how important it was.....
I think his recent, first time ever performance problems were related to this upcoming turn of events.
I think OW must have gotten tired of waiting and sent him packing....I guess that was always one approach I thought might work, that if I could stall him long enough while I was "drawing him back" that she would get tired of waiting.....Maybe it was by mutual agreement, but I think H feels so guilty that if she hadnt given him the push he would still be waffling....I don't mind being the default.....
What a wonderful miracle and a mixed up mess at the same time. I hope that you and he start healing SOON. You have such a great start; this weekend sounded emotional and tearful but also very honest and positive.
I'm floored and so happy for you, Deb. You did it! You busted it like a pro!!
Good going and get some rest and, by all means, find something to do in which your brain can go blank for a while. It sure has had to process a lot in the last few days.
Thanks Nevanna! I really need to check out your thread now to get clues. I sort of knew to expect a flood of confusing emotions, but I am blown away by how blown away I am.....
I think it was you who told me to expect him to be kind of grumpy when he came back also, but any hints on what else to expect? I think he is still worried that I'll slip back to my old ways because he asked me in bed last night if I'd done my exercise tape....told him I hadnt but would today!
So, I really have to keep on track with my changes.
But, I think once the shock wears off I'm going to be excited and this can be fun....somehow I'm starting to feel like now I can have an A with him....I even asked him in one of the lighter parts of our discussion if this meant I could molest him more, and he said "all you want"....
I see we really are negotiating a new relationship here though, and that is exciting.....
Can I ask what made you think this was coming?
Also, I really need any and all thoughts on what to do now, other than stay calm....
Deb - the one thing I noticed, you seem to say "I'm sorry" a lot! Not that you can't apologize at all, but HE'S been the one with the OW - not you. Don't overdo the apologies!
Thanks Honey...I am really going to need your guidance and advice..... It's weird, I guess, but I think H and I are both so blown away right now that sex is really on a back burner. But I don't want it to stay there forever.......I guess we just need a little time to heal......
Hi dfb! yes, I know you are right....I can over do the being sorry stuff, I do need to watch it.
One thing I should mention is that H did apologize big time over and over and over Saturday and Sunday.....probably not an entirely adequate amount of groveling for all the dispair and angst I've been through, but certainly a good down payment. And it came from his heart, I didn't demand it, so some how that ups the value!
OK, gang....any ideas on how to move forward from here? books? would the KLA cd's be of help? what about tips that the rest of you found helpful in moving on? forward?
Gosh Deb, I am away from the boards for a few days to see my son graduate from college and WOW!!! Good for you. Just remember, the next few weeks your H will be adjusting to all of this. Be patient, let him lead. He still has some hurting and mourning to do. Patience is still key. Congratulations!!!! Now go live your life and I wish for you and your family much happiness and love.
