I just wanted to post a bit more to you in addition to what I already have previously "said". Last night, while trying to type my post to you, H walked in and of course I had to cut that post short. (Lucky you, 'cause I really do get "long-worded/winded"!)
For Me, the hardest thing to get a "balance on" was the fact that I needed to continue to be positive/very affirming to my H, but still show him that I could indeed survive without him. He (I think!) saw that in my many changes. In addition to my many physical and personality changes, I would take off, last minute, without really mentioning where I was going/how long I was going to be gone. I did this mostly while he was gone (I suspected off seeing/talking to OW) He didn't say too much of anything about it to begin with...but after a while he began questioning me. Also, 'cause H was in Ohio (out of town/state) a lot working on a job, he would call me and find me visiting/partying with friends. This is what HE always did/does, NOT reliable, conservative "Totally"! I NEVER did this!! This was very good for me, as I (once again) became "outgoing" and very sociable and good for HIM to see that I was not just sitting at home waiting for him. H, I know, was partying big time in Ohio and also I know there was an OW there. Again, this is all about YOU "developing" your life for yourself. In process of doing this I suddenly did not appear so needy/dependent on H. I guess that is really putting this in "short form". I'm sure you've seen this type of situation posted somewhere else on these boards. I just thought you would be interested in knowing that it does in fact help tremendously ... with growth within yourself and your with your R with your H!!
Oh! .. Also, I had to come to terms with the fact that I could no longer talk about H's issues. (Mainly OW!) I had begged/argued/pleaded/wrote letters! ... the whole gammut. He knew exactly how I felt/where I stood. I couldn't say anything more. I developed the attitude that I was not ready to push either one of us moving out, so I just had to watch/wait and see what happens, WHILE I continued working on myself. I, at one time, had made up my mind that if things "continued" as they had been (him still having his "friends" etc...) I would DO something (separation/divorce?) soon after D graduates. Well it has gotten to "that date" and HE has done the total turnaround.
I typed this very quickly while at work. If my thoughts don't seem very organized, please forgive me.
