I do not posess the ability to break everything down like alot of the people on this message board. There are alot of intelligent people on here with alot of good advice. If you really want to make things work you should listen to them and read the books. I, however, feel my marriage will always be the way it is now, and the sad thing is I don't care. I have made myself busy with other things, working with the dogs, working on fixing up the house, and I go out with friends sometimes (he hates to go out anywhere) People have asked why I am here if I seem to have already made up my mind. I stay because I am interested and like I said previously it is nice to know I am not alone. Good luck to you. Hope your sitch gets better Annette
Annette: I've been on this board for over a year, although under a different username. I guess I'm embarrassed that my situation hasn't improved like I {optimistically and naively} thought it would.
I've read Michelle's book until I can practically recite it verbatim, followed the suggestions and listened to all the folks on this board. (What ever happened to Sooner?)
Like you, I have started other activities that are of interest to me (I've taken up spinning fiber & motorcycles)and working around the house. My marriage, too, will now be this way always and I'm coming to terms with it, as I do love my hubby very much.
One of the things that came up in therapy was the mean and viscious things that his ex did to him that have stayed with him for decades. The therapist came right out and told him that he was doing to me what his ex did to him. For a while, things were good, but I do believe that the negative memories of that past marriage are so strong he may never overcome them and I have to realize that I can't 'heal' him.
I am 55 and hubby is 52, not ancient, but I think that if he hasn't been able to overcome these memories by now, he won't. On the positive side, he laughs more and members of his family say he's a different and better person since we've been together. (We have a history which is way too long to write here. Met/fell in love/his mom hated me/we separated/reunited after 33ys.)
And, like you, I stay here because it helps to know I'm not alone.
