Cemar: One of the things that I find most manly about my husband is that he is very firm with me when something is of the utmost importance to him. He caves in on lots of other things (as most married people do with each other--can you imagine if both people dug in a refused to budge on anything?!) but if it is important to him, he stands his ground in a most formidable way. I do not cross this line with him and whether I agree with him or not, I secretly respect him and find it an appealing quality.
So here ya got you and your wife. You want a better marriage but you are not willing to lay it on the line with her. You are not willing to say, Wife sit down. We are going to have a discussion about sex in which I explain my true feelings about our sex life.
You want to ask her vague questions about wanting a "great marriage" and tiptoe around the subject, taking whatever crumb she offers you and then being bitter and resentful about the fact that you sold yourself out in order to get it.
This is not going to arouse her or inspire respect or cause her to see the importance of it to you. If you can't bring yourself to TALK to her about it, then how do you expect her to instinctively know how high the stakes are in regards to this topic?
You have to take the first step which is confrontational and may not feel like it is progress. IT IS. And then in the next few days when she attempts to get the R back in familiar territory, you will have to confront her again. And you will have to continue to do this (in a loving fashion of course, holding on to yourself and calmly stating your needs for the marriage) until she realizes that this is not a passing phase and she can either step up to the plate or KNOW that she has made the choice to let you go.
