CeMar, I think you're missing several important points.
Quote: Wanting to be desired, that is not differentiated at all is it. Is the only fix for this to find a way to NOT want to be desired. Doesn't everyone want to be desired?
It's not that wanting to be desired is not differentiated, and it's NOT that you need to find a way to NOT want it, it's that your NEEDINESS on the subject is VERY fused. You are effectively saying that whether she DESIRES you or not DEFINES you as a PERSON. You get your self-definition from HER. You are looking to HER to validate YOU. That is fusion. What you need to do is find ways that you can validate yourSELF, and separate your self-image from her view of you, so you can stand up and say "This is me." I don't think you really know WHO or WHAT you are, apart from the DESIRE to be DESIRED.
Quote: and I am having a heck of a time finding something that might actully impact my wifes "Desire".
Forget about impacting HER desire. Find out about yourself. Nothing you do can change or control HER in any way, except that if you make MEANINGFUL changes in YOURSELF, and your approach to your M, then her REACTION to you will change.
Quote: I find that I get depressed knowing that my wife has ALL the ability to fix my marriage and I have none. THe fix is that she find a way to desire me, and until she does this, I am at her mercy.
You sound to me like a needy little boy. Do you sound this way to yourself? Do you think you sound this way to HER? Why would she DESIRE a needy little boy? She already has 3 of those, why would she want another? You need to find a way to GROW UP and relate to her as a MAN, who has his own wants and needs, yes, but doesn't DEFINE himself by them.
I'll close by pointing out something that should now be painfully obvious. I have twice given you a challenge to post something REAL on here, giving me (us) some actual INFORMATION about your sitch, instead of just b!tching about what you see as your "only two choices", which are polar opposites and only two out of many possible choices. So far you have ignored me. So since there is no way for me to be of any practical help to you, because you are not sharing enough information, don't be surprised if I no longer respond to you. I have my own crucibles to work through. I don't have time for yours, unless you are prepared to stop whining and start a journal, and get REAL.
