I'm not sure if the following will be helpful or not, but I'll throw it out there...
I was just thinking about this whole approach, and my experience of it. One thing I've realized is that while it is VERY difficult to get started in the beginning (or at least that was MY experience), it DOES get easier. For instance, a couple of months ago I had GREAT difficulty even starting a conversation with W about this topic, and about what I wanted to do. Approaching her for LM seemed nearly insurmountable, esp. since I had been "trained" to expect rejection, so most times I couldn't even bring myself to try. Now, however, I have NO difficulty beginning an initiation, and if she turns me down, I also have a lot less difficulty dealing with that. If the "rejection" is done in a way that makes ME vulnerable, I'll call her on it, and we'll have a discussion of it. This is MUCH different than things were just a month ago or so. Also, I have a MUCH clearer view of what the ACTUAL issues are now than I did before, and this picture is getting clearer as more data is available. I have no doubt that as the data piles up, additional issues will surface. That is a good thing. I also now feel much better about myself - I have more self-respect and confidence.
A crucible is where things heat up, way past the boiling point. That is what is necessary to get things moving forward. Simmering does no good, because that doesn't allow the "chemical" change to happen. You have to find a way to heat things up enough, then changes can happen. One partner pressing for what they want and need, and holding firm, taking a stand and not backing down will do this.
