Okay, I am NOT in a good place right now. H is spending about half his time at our house, and half his time at his place, and already I am freaking out like I did when he moved back in - all my worst habits are re-emerging!

Why do I fall apart whenever he starts to be around more? What happened to my calm center? Why am I so afraid again?

Well, here's the current conditions:
1) My mom is moving into her new place this week, away from my dad. They are DEFINITELY getting a divorce.
2) I only lost the baby about two weeks ago - that still really hurts, and I think my hormones are still really wacky.
3) It is the last week of classes, and I am really behind because of the miscarriage and my own procrastination.
4) Money is really, really tight right now - we basically don't have any.
5) Rhane is going through a kind of difficult, whiny, clingy phase. He is really hard to take care of right now.

I am really stressed out about all of this stuff, and so I am seeing some of my progress on emotional control slip away. I'm yelling again, forcing R talks with my H, trying to force an immediate resolution to our sitch (which means I bring up D a lot), calling him a bunch (which irritates him to no end), and being whiny, clingy, and needy.

A couple of things I need to do definitely here:
1) Get more sleep. Stop trying to do everything in one night.
2) Figure out where I could go to make some female friends - part of my problem is that I am not making sure I have enough social interaction. I am going to check around for possible volunteer activities - right now I can really only handle probably one, but it would be an opportunity to connect with other people.

I have an IC appointment tonight, so maybe that will help.
Hugs to all,
Myrrh

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.