I can surely relate to this idea of always feeling responsible for H's moods. In my family, everything revolved around making sure that my father didn't get angry so I guess I was taking everyone's bad moods to heart.
Now I do the opposite with H and it seems to be working very well. Since shortly after the bomb (when I discovered DR and this bb), I act as if H's mood has almost nothing to do with me, even if I think it really does. When he seems cranky or conflicted, I just go about my business as if everything is fine with me, and I usually leave the room and/or house. I've completely stopped the routine of asking what's wrong. H seems to get over things faster with this new routine.
