Hi Lyrael,

I haven't posted on your thread before but your comments on QT hit a nerve. I was the same way about not getting enough QT and holding onto a lot of anger, although I didn't fully understand what was going on at the time. My H's LL is definitely NOT QT, so you can imagine how much anger and resentment built up over the years, on both sides.

At this point, I think you just have to give up your need for QT until the R reaches a better place. I have spent the last 7 months just letting my H have his own space, never asking for his time, and always acting happy with it - this isn't as hard as it seems once you know your own LL's and how it may not jive with H's. The progress has been very sssllloooww, but incrementally upward.

My H's LL seems to be WOA and gifts - a complete revelation because these are not important to me. The response to my attention to these LLs has been amazing and rewarding. A perfect example of the Butterfly Effect!

Now I hardly ever let an opportunity to compliment H pass me by, and I always try to 'brag' about something he has done when we are with others. And he seems to spend more quality time with me than before the bomb, not just time, but 'quality' time where we actually talk and laugh.

We have a long way to go - haven't had an R talk since February, he's still in another bedroom, and for all I know he's still moving out. But the difference in our interaction is like night and day.

Hope this is helpful.

In4Ride