Xalelle -
Thanks for the post - it started me thinking about love languages, and subtle cues my H was giving me, so today I got him a YooHoo and a SlimJim (the beef kind, not the lock opening device). Don't laugh - this is one of his favorite snacks. He actually seemed to receive it really well, so I think I will do it again when I see him Sunday. I don't know exactly what I'll get him, but I'll figure something out.
I am figuring out that MY main LL is quality time. But I am not praising H enough when he does spend time with me, or allowing myself to enjoy it, since I am busy keeping score in my head as to whether he is spending "enough" time with me. If it is "enough," it seems like I allow myself to feel loved. If the QT isn't "enough," I am resentful, grouchy, and I definitely let him know.
So! That is the problem, now on to the solution. Nagging, scorekeeping, etc do NOT work, so it is definitely time to move past them. What I think I need to do is catch my H spending time with me (without pressuring him to) and be really appreciative. I also need to concentrate on being fully present when we spend time together, and enjoying it.
He seems to really appreciate acts of service, also. It seems like me cooking for him, doing his laundry, etc, makes him feel really loved. He is really appreciative when I clean, even though he doesn't live here right now.
I am feeling pretty positive at this moment. I am trying to be somewhat more solution-oriented, rather than miring myself in what's making me angry or upset.
Hugs to all,
Myrrh
Last edited by Lyrael; 07/14/0406:40 PM.
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
