The New Thread...

[sage]

Myrrh -- I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby. I'm glad that h is being so supportive.

You wrote on my thread:

Your comment about being responsible for your H's pain, but not about how he chose to relieve it, really hit me. That is an incredible insight, and one that really helped me understand things even more.

AUGH! I just can't believe how helpful that one tiny statement is to me! Also, understanding deception and an affair as a reaction to pain is a perspective that will allow me to forgive more easily, without taking my or H's contributions to the problem out of the picture.

If you're interested in exploring more about the idea of how negative behaviors are a result of pain or fear I highly recommend "Love is letting go of fear" by Jampolsky (book/audiotape). I find it very helpful in guiding me towards understanding and compassion for h (and others!). Note that it does have somewhat of a religious/God based bent -- not sure if that would be a + or - for you but I am not a practicing, well, anything and I did not find it impacted my ability to embrace the concepts.

I am also having a hard time because my life is transitioning from one of constant emotional upheaval and recurent crisis to a more quiet, peaceful, and normal one. My IC and I talked about that in my last session - it is uncomfortable to me, not terribly so, but enough to make me a bit on edge.

This resonated with me...I STILL find myself sometimes reeling (internally) from the calm...the absence of craziness and chaos in my life (which I used to provide on a daily basis). sometimes I feel it as a lack of passion (which is ok--just need to get to the place where I can feel passionate about calmness!) and other times I wonder -- how can I not be boring this man to tears without chaos? BUT, I'm not apparently

Sage