Wow. I remember the feeling you described SO WELL -- where it just seemed to take so much energy to get through the next hour of DB'ing. Early in our post-bomb days h was in the national guard and would be gone for 1 weekend a month. Those were the days when I literally stayed in bed until noon (and I get up at 5:15 most weekdays!) because every cell in my body was tired. (Of course, no kids here so I had that option!)
I don't think that your detailed agendas sound strange at all...I can totally relate to feeling as though a planned day is a non-emotionally-reactive day.
I'm wondering about your diet and exercise routines -- do you eat well and healthily? Do you limit caffeine? Do you exercise? I've found that all of those things (well, doing them "well") greatly enhance my mental well being.
And I hate to sound like some sort of drug pusher but have you considered mediation? 10 minutes in the AM per day has had a dramatic effect on my internal well-being.
Hang in there, and take good care of YOU.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
