Hey, guess what! I might have something to do tomorrow night (yes, something to do on a Friday night!) There is a cropping session from 6-11 tomorrow night at our local scrapbooking store - if I can find somebody for Rhane to hang with while I am there, I am SO gonna go!!!
Imagine, ME with plans on a Friday night! The lady said that there migth be around 40 ppl there - what a geat chance to get out and around people! And doing something I really enjoy!
Yay me!!!!!!!! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Okay, folks - Myrrh has had a lightbulb moment...drumroll please... I need social contact to feel balanced, happy, and satisfied with my life, and I don't just mean social contact with my H. I can't be happy and be isolated. So I am going to be planning more activities into my schedule like the women's car care class tonight (which was very fun and informative) and the late night cropping session tomorrow evening - which I now have child care for - thanks to my mom. I need to get out and do things...it's part of having a balanced life. I don't need to sit at home all the time feeling sorry for myself - I can go out and do fun and contructive things!
This may sound really simplistic to some, but just getting out tonight, even though I didn't know anyone there, really boosted my PMA and brought back my centered, "okay" feeling. I have talked to Dustin via IM a bit tonight, but didn't feel upset or tense, and I don't have the urge to chase him in any way or to start a fight - I am actually on my way to bed and a peaceful sleep (keep your fingers crossed on the peaceful part!).
The social, fun part of my life is something I have neglected for a long time...this might honestly be very influential in getting me back on track. It sure makes me feel good! Good night, all - and as usual, lots of love... Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Has anyone ever seen those megaphone things that you talk into and they make your voice sound really loud? They drown out anything quiet around them, and they have absolutely no way of receiving sound or "listening."
That megaphone is me. A constant BWAAA, BWAAA, BWAAA...I grew up learning that when you have a feeling, you should express it loud and long until it gets some sort of recognition. There were no lessons on how to listen to the feelings of others or how to express your own feelings carefully.
My H is different - he is careful about how he expresses his emotions. He checks to make sure the environment is safe, and doesn't ever just spew feelings all over.
So my feelings have been the only ones getting heard in our relationship for a LONG time. Which leads me to wonder...does my H feel like his feelings don't matter, even like HE doesn't matter?
Just something that occured to me last night at about 5am - lemme know what you think. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Oh, yeah. Myrrh, I grew up in a family of passionate, opinionated people. People who didn't compete for the megaphone that was supplied with the family package... we all went out and bought bigger, better and louder ones.
And like your H, Mr. Wonderful's family was the complete opposite. I think it's pretty apparent now that he was not allowed to speak out against the dictator, and if he did, consequences were severe.
I know how hard this is. And I know how painful it is when the normally quiet and reserved person starts to speak. I'm really uncomfortable with the things that are finally coming to light on Mr. Wonderful's side. Resentments and bad feelings he's been carrying forward for years. It surprises me every time, and it hurts.
But if you want equality in your marriage, it's going to have to happen some time. Time to put the megaphone away, remove the batteries so when you go grab it again your voice is muted.
If that doesn't work, pretend that you're in a Peanuts cartoon. That all your H hears is amplified nonsense when you speak (I'm gonna have to take that one on myself.)
Have a happy Sunday! Be nice to yourself!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
WAAAA WAAAA WAAA...I kept thinking about the teacher in Peanuts, as a matter of fact. And I guess this is what I was talking about the other day, Bets, when I posted on your thread that him expressing any feelings was a great thing (although I never would have called you a megaphone).
I guess I didn't realize how much I've bulldozed over my H in the three years we've been together, and last night I thought carefully about some of the hard points in our relationship where we could have had thoughtful, quiet discussions and strengthened our bond instead of me just screaming, yelling, and sobbing and him never getting a word in edgewise.
But, like I saw you write in a post to H2H, we can't change our past - we can only change the present. So my job is to figure out how to remove those batteries (a good place to start - try NOT to cry through every marriage counseling session - I seriously think it is my way of keeping the focus on me. Sad but true.), and specifically how to apply this insight to our real-life, everyday interactions. Maybe our MC and my IC could help me with this. I'll keep everyone posted... Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Quote: a good place to start - try NOT to cry through every marriage counseling session
Unless what you posted was true (that you cry to keep attention on you), I don't know if I agree with this to this extent. If you figure it out, will you share with me?
Tears are a part of how I process. I suspect that it's a form of release for you too. Remember that it's not as much that you are showing emotion but HOW you are showing emotion. (I borrowed this as an adaptation from my boss.)
I suspect that we have a lot of things in common and there was no offense to anything you posted in my thread. We came here for honesty right?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets - I needed to take some time to think about your question, so I took it. I think I have at least a partial answer for you.
Crying is a release for me, but in the same way H needs to streatch to be able to deal with my emotionality, I need to try and tone it down sometimes to more closely match his communication style. Some tears are okay, but so is some control, especially if he is better able to listen to me witout the waterworks. Does this make sense?
I am okay today - H and I had a very quiet, lazy, and pleasant evening last night. Some affectionate touching from him, and he was really sweet. I woke up this morning to find everything I had needed to get at the store sitting outside our door...except that the water shoes for Salmost2 were too small, so I have to exchange them. I am NOT going to tell him this. I left him a message to tell him thank you, and it started out "hiya, cutie." Very playful and upbeat.
Things are fairly quiet right now, except for a couple of weird little mini-soap operas this weekend that I am not going to go into, because honestly, they don't matter. We handled them together, and talked through them, so anyway, 'nuff said about that.
I am working still on my goals for myself - working through a workbook I have on dealing with emotions, and another on self-esteem. I'm also working really hard not to throw up most of the time. I am at about 8 weeks now, and the nausea and fatigue are setting in. Yuck! But at least I know what to expect this time... Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Okay, well H is having his visit with us tonight and is outrageously hyper, easily irritated, and can't sit still. Most of the time when he comes over he is really tired, quiet, and acts more on the depressed side.
My god, I am so scared he is bipolar. I don't have any idea why he is acting like he is today - he seemed fine and perfectly normal yesterday. He is frankly driving me completely crazy. He is loud, talking a mile a minute, and can't do anything for more than 5 seconds - could it be hyperactivity, or does it sound to you guys like full-blown mania? Maybe he's on drugs or something.
I sent him to Walgreen's to get diaper rash cream for Salmost2, and honestly to get a break from him. He's driving me crazy. I just want to relax, and he is bouncing off the walls.
I don't know what's going on.
Okay, end of rant. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Good night, and sweet, peaceful dreams. Slowly 
Betsey 