The New Thread...

[Lyrael]

I am going to ask myself four questions throughout my days to guide my behavior and help in setting goals:
1) What do I HAVE to do today?
2) What can I do to be good to myself today?
3) How can I be respectful of H today?
4) What can I do to be the best Mom I can be today?

Let me answer those for this evening:
1) I need to do the dishes, do a quick 15 minutes of cleaning in the living room, and lay out our clothing for tomorrow.
2) I can relax as much as possible, continue reading the book I am enjoying, and maybe watch a movie before I go to bed. I can also make sure I go to bed at a decent hour tonight.
3) I can be respectful of Dustin tonight by simply leaving him alone - I don't have any reason to call, visit, or IM him, and I think he could probably use the space, since Saturdays are sometimes busy for him. I don't need to know exactly where he is, what he's doing, or who he is with to be at peace. His life is not an appropriate focus for me - mine is. Tonight it happens that he is not a part of it. So just leaving him alone is my goal there.
4) I can strive to be patient, even though Salmost2 is ultra-grouchy, and whining can be really frustrating. Just because he is two doesn't mean he isn't allowed to have bad moods! And since he is too little to control his actions and reactions, I have to be the big person and control mine. And I can make sure he gets to bed at a decent hour.

I will do this every day for a bit, I think - I just want to experiment and figure out how useful this is to help me set goals.
Let me know what you guys think!
Myrrh

[slowly]

Hi Myrrh - I like your goals and journals When I was in the depths of despair, these two things helped me focus and stay sane.

Not sure if they need to be overly specific or targeted, just the fact that there is some structure to the day helps enormously. GO YOU!!!

Slowly

[Lyrael]

I am pretty depressed today. This weekend my son ripped apart his dad's wallet that he left here, and the phone number of Dustin's lawyer friend fell out - that's new. I, of course, didn't keep my mouth shut like I should have. I was reading my journal from right before H's last OW, and realizing that he was trying to get me out of the house and away from him, and I just didn't get the message.

He isn't doing that now - the apt was re-rented due to lack of money on my part, but my fears are HUGE. I think a divorce is definitely in my future - he is selling his 1962 Cadillac Hearse, and will be filing for bankruptcy, and paying for summer classes for him and to work on his 300GT. Once that bankruptcy is out of the way, there is nothing standing between him and this divorce.

He still wants to do this counseling, and still tries to spend time with me, be nice to me, etc. I don't know what to expect and I am afraid. The sad thing is, I know I will survive once the papers are filed - it's just something I don't want to have happen.

AUGH! Having a not-so-good day today...but so far haven't said anything to him - no IM, phone calls, etc.
Myrrh

[slowly]

(((((Myrhh)))))

This kind of discovery does pull the rug from under one's feet. Could his feelings have changed about divorce in the past few weeks? Lots of assumptions here... Kinda reminds me of the time KAW found a letter his CAW had written, and just acted as if he had not found it...

I don't really know what else to say, other than be here with a big hug for you. Slowly

[Lyrael]

Slowly-
The funny thing about my sitch is, it is very cyclic. As my H has said, when things are good, he enjoys being married to me and wants to stay that way. When they are not good (for example: fighting), that's when the dammit we have to D talk comes out again. I don't think he has called the lawyer yet, and I don't know if or when he will.

If he files, he files. There is nothing I can do about that. But I do sometimes worry about it. On the positive side, he came over last night, watched Harry Potter w/me, and stayed the night so we could ride together to my first prenatal appointment today. So, I just don't know - it's up and down, always.

We shall see.
Myrrh

[Lyrael]

Hey, guys -
Needed to ask a question regarding our child care assistance app and called H at the shop...some girl named Nikki answered.

What is good DBing in this case? I am pretty wound up about who this girl might be, and why my husband left her in charge of the shop. I hate this. I just want to be done with my H sometimes, if only to be done with the suspicions and turmoil.
Myrrh

[kml]

I hope you said "Hi, this is H's WIFE, may I speak to him?"


Ellie

[Underdog]

(((((Myrrh))))

I'm back from my errand if you need a quick chat.

Time to slow down, darlin'. Wasn't it you who decided to focus on only you (and your S) right now? That means putting up the mental stop sign concerning Dustin right now. Things will reveal themselves in good time, and we both know that worrying has never made anyone feel better until the day arrives.

Relax, sweetie. You've already got a big bite in your mouth that you're chewing. No use in trying to squeeze any more in right now.

Bets

[Lyrael]

Okay, I continue to let my out-of-control thoughts get the best of me - H and I had a fight via phone (phones are NOT, apparently, a good wa for us to communicate). It was my fault, because I had an issue, and I should have waited (I need to borrow the Underdog 24-hour rule), and I didn't - I just called and sounded critical and demanding, and he responded in kind, etc.

So what is the plan today? Well, I am going to try and just leave it alone. Leave him alone. Stop picking fights for attention when I am lonely -I need to add some evening activities to my life so I can keep busy and out of his hair.

Today - check out a program that offers weekly classes for moms - free and they have childcare. They meet every Thursday, and that is one of my problem days. I am also going to get information on a prenatal exercise class that meets Mon-Thurs - and I would go even on the nights H is over - it's only an hour, and would probably be good for me, without being exhausting.

So those two phone calls are on the agenda for today - I am still struggling with building a good, full life for myself - too much sitting at home and stewing about my sitch is not working for me. I seem to do better keeping my focus away from my H when I have something of my own to focus on.

Okay - lol - made the call about the classes. Tonight's is on basic car care, oil changes, etc - the classes are anything from parenting to investment, and I could definitely use this one.

I think on Friday nights I am going to institute a movie night or a family/friend visit, and Saturdays will be church. Of course, since it's summer, there is also always the pool. All this stuff gets over early enough for me to get some rest and be ready for each day!

I am going to try and do better today - that is all I can do.
Hugs,
Myrrh

[Underdog]

Sounds like your rebound was well worth it!

Great plans, sweetie!

Betsey