Hello, all - welcome to my new board home, and congrats on finding your way here! I am going to start sharing my struggles again, because I feel the need for accountability in my dbing efforsts (since I have made the decision to actively DB again, and to retire from the fine art of Husband Busting!)

Here's the update - some really big OW disclosures (it's been about a month since those), we start counseling tomorrow at 9am, and the biggest news, H and I are expecting a new little one sometime in February. He is wholeheartedly supportive of me having this baby, and really wants it, regardless of what our status is.

I don't know what my long-term goal is, except to find a peaceful way to relate to my H, whether we D or don't D. To that end, I am in IC (individual counseling) working hard on my anger issues. I am learning that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting the offense, becoming trusting again, or forgetting about it - initially it just means giving up anger, and it heals.

I don't trust my H right now, and he doesn't deserve my pardon - yet. I am willing to give him a place in my life - what place I don't yet know.

My goals right now?
1) Take care of me - eating enough each day and working on trying to find a good program of exercise to keep me energetic.
2) Get plenty of rest. Bedtime is 11pm at the latest, now.
3) Do small, enjoyable things as often as I can - it's what makes for a happy life, even though circumstances seem to be unhappy.
4) Leave my H alone between visits, and be pleasant and upbeat during them. I am really working on not attacking him - I have a lot of angry feelings to work through and learn how t deal with, and I am slowly processing those. It will take time.

Drop me a line, all - I missed you guys!
Hugs,
Myrrh
3)

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.