Hey, it's really great to be here.

[NotATLDave]

Paul,
Regarding sex therapy. I would avoid it for now until you read PM or at least see if there are any therapists in your area who have had adequate Schnarch training and admit that they integrate marital therapy with sex therapy through the Crucible Approach. You can find the therapists by contacting Schnarch's office through their website at http://www.passionatemarriage.com. There weren't any therapists in my town, so I found some in my parent's city and intended to do a few days of intensive sessions while my folks babysat.

In the beginning of this process, my biggest draw towards a sex therapist was the idea that I could have a "professional" tell my W to be more sexual, and do x,y,z on day 1,2,3. I also thought a pro could "crack" her wall and make her "see the light" and have her be "cured". It seemed simple especially after reading SSM because SSM advocates "just doing it". Well, I found out that in most situations, it's not that simple. Most LDWs are not as motivated as Journey and other LDs here and will be resentful of efforts to "push" them into something they don't feel like doing (or fixing). Trust me, it's unbelievable to think that your W could be taking such a stand due to other issues and then pretending that life is perfect. Mine did this for years. It's a sign of their "undifferentiated" self...they simply are fearful to be honest and express themselves because your importance to them has become higher than they can handle. So they feel and express their disappointment in a lack of desire that they assume is just a natural part of any marriage. Yah, it sucks because it's mostly in their court but their are definite steps you can take to make them feel a little more willing to fix it.

Sorry to ramble, I would just say that you will be much better off reading PM and getting a clear view of the playing field you are on before executing anything. I hope that makes sense. I just want you to avoid the pitfalls that I went through early on.