I've been reading this forum for a few months now, and man have I found it helpful. It was really amazing to find this place and see that I'm not alone. The situation I am in, and the feelings I have felt are not only shared by others, but are spelled out right there, on my computer screen, by people I don't know, but who seem like friends, or at least comrades in arms.
Hairdog, Cemar, CaDad, Tim47, all you Daves, and all you other sex-starved suckers out there.... I feel your pain. I've been married close to a decade, and we have two little kids (5 and 2). Waaay back in the early days, sex was not a problem, to say the least. My wife, in fact, was probably even more HD than I. Often twice a day (sometimes more on weekends!). Our current rate is roughly once every two months. How did we get from there to here? It would be easy to trace the problem to the birth of our children, but looking back, it's been a pretty steady decline, starting the day we got married. Actually, make that the day I proposed to her. Sheesh. I really do love my wife, she's fabulous in almost every way. But it's hard not to think of this and be bitter.
Recently it has really hit me that I'm faced with three horrible options: 1) A lifetime of virtual celibacy; 2) Divorce; 3) Cheat.
I take my marriage seriously, and cheating is completely out of the question. Divorce is an absolute last option; as frustrated as I am, I'm nowhere near there. But, I will not accept the lifetime celibacy. Soooooooooo...... something has to change.
The funny thing is, my wife doesn't even seem to realize we have a problem. How could she not? We've talked about it countless times. I take every rejection, and keep coming back for more. I've bought books, including SSM. (currently sitting, unread, in her nightstand). I've made my feelings quite clear; at least I think I have. All you HD's out there, is this common? Is this the way it works? Are your spouses oblivious to the issue? Do they seem unaware that sex is actually important to some people? I'm running out of patience with this crap.
Jeez it's late, I gotta go to bed. First two questions: 1) Sex therapy: This is my next big hope. If you've tried, I'd love to hear about it. Does it work? What exactly does it involve? What sort of discussions and excercises can I expect? 2) Passionate Marriage: Some of you recommend this book with cult-like zeal. Is it really helping? I mean, is you sex-life better now? Or are you just more accepting of your sexless fate. I see lots of talk of differentiating and crucibles. Not so much talk of hot, steamy monkey-sex. Just wondering.
Whew, that's enough. Ya'll have a good Memorial Day, hear?
