Logged on this morning and came surfing on the BB. I found your thread uplifting with all the advice you've been getting. Laurie is so wise. And found after reading her posts and holdingons post my PMA lifted up.
There are alot of good things that people are posting on here!
Been lurking all day. I'm working away from my office for the next few days. I have access to the Internet but can't post as I'm meeting and greeting and people all around me LURKING.
Pattie--No I don't have to go to all of these events. Can't figure out the "right now" thing, has something to with when H is on edge, is struggling with something. He was all over the place Sunday, like he wanted to get away. I do like to have things to do, but am rethinking who is important in my life now. I think it might be time to let my other family, friends take a back seat for awhile. It's gives me a peaceful feeling just thinking about it. Need to my family first, H and Sons. Something I will be working on.
Tonight H was edgy too. H called while I was shopping, said he was still at work--I think he was making that up--and I asked if he was coming our way (home) and he said "why" to which I replied I want to see you.
OH!!! OH!!!! I bought a new dresser!! Have had the current set since the 80's so figured it was time to update the bedroom. The next thing I'd like to get is a headboard made out of log. Some day, when we win the lottery , my dream home is a log home. So might as well start getting ready
S and I got home, H had already drank a beer and was sitting the living room with his work clothes/boots on thus the reason I think he was calling from home while I was shopping.
We ate dinner, chatted a bit with H and S during dinner, H had another beer with dinner. I had one and mentioned to H that I had found it in the frig and did he see. H said yep was going to drink it after this one.
Got up started cleaing up dishes. Asked H if he wanted to go to the local car show, my bro has a car there and H said no, of course not. H then asked if I was going, I said no I'm just going to hang around the house, I was asking to see if you wanted to go with us.
H mentioned something about buying a new truck and then a new boat to follow. Can you tell H is still looking for outside sources for his happiness? Thinks he has to buy something big.
H then started talking about selling the boat he just bought that if my brother didn't want it then he knew someone who did. (H had to call my brother this morning about something and H commented that "B didn't want to talk to me, he must not like me anymore and that B was looking for a new boat). There could be any number of reasons and I KNOW my brother didn't act like that, he's the nicest guy.) H then said "and you know who she is" I ignored that statement, too. H said "I don't think I can talk OW out of it either"...ignored it so not sure why H would say something like that. OW bought a boat last June and as far as I know sold it or is selling it since the reason she bought it was to keep my H.
H then said maybe you should talk to her? (about what I don't know H just threw it out there) I said why, does she want to talk to me. H said "I don't know, I've never asked her" I said well ask her and if she wants to talk let me know. I said this in a dead calm, serious, matter of fact voice. Was taking H serious even though I know he was pushing buttons.
So H is now gone, "had to go, see ya." I said "bye" and he left to go whereever.
Thank you for checking in on me. I read this earlier today and the first thought that came to mind was "I get my patience from the Lord" as I know I would never have developed patience without out Him at my side.
H did come back home about 9:30ish. S4 asked H where he was and H said looking at a boat, that H is seriously thinking about buying. It's not an ordinary fishing boat it's a Ranger bass boat and if anyone knows anything about bass boats they are expensive!! I could have a new vechile for what the boat costs. And bass boats can't be pulled by any ordinary truck either. So can you guess what's coming next!!!
I think H was drinking. He fell asleep rather quickly and was SNORING!!! I woke up about 4ish, H was up. I thought he was dressed and leaving for work. Asked him what he was doing as he was getting back into bed. I felt his arm and realized he wasn't dressed. He said he had been awake coughing most of the night. I didn't hear a thing, I've been sleeping like a log.
Talked to H this morning, again asked him why he was up. Said he can't sleep anymore. H has also been coughing a lot. He's had this cough for a month and the next step is a catscan or something, his oxygen level was low in his blood when he went into the doctor a day ago.
The other night our S fell out of bed, I heard him saying my name and as I was waking up starting slapping my arm around to find S. I thought he was in our bed and I thought it was Saturday night. Anyway, I ended up slapping H in the face a few times and remember H yelling "what do you want!!" Then I fully woke up and realized S was in his own bed and had fallen on the floor. When I went into S's room he was asleep on the floor and I just laid him back in his bed.
In the last few days H and I have been getting along like friends and we are talking to each other like friends. Like we would have when we first started getting to know each other way back when. It's kind of fun.
Quote: In the last few days H and I have been getting along like friends and we are talking to each other like friends. Like we would have when we first started getting to know each other way back when. It's kind of fun.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Spoke with H a few times this morning while I was at my post. I was relieved of my meeting and greeting for the afternoon. I'll be back there again tomorrow and Friday and Friday can't come soon enough. I'm sure by Friday my boss is going to be in one heck of a mood...trust me She's a perfectionist, micro-managing, scheming, out for herself, kind of boss. She can be very snappish when stressed, but this detachment things works on her, also. For as much as she has going for her, she's a very lonely woman. Career first at all costs. Oh well enough about her, she is very good to me--the majority of time.
H called me as I was leaving work and asked if I could pick up S which I was on the way to doing.
I asked H where he was as I could hear background noise, people talking on speakers, H said he was at a store. I said okay I'll pick S up and we both hung up. Didn't ask H if he would be home later and Guess What???, bingo...he's not home yet.
I'm keeping my eyes off of the circumstances, it's like Laurie said there is absolutely nothing I can do right now. H has a problem and it's up to him to decide when enough is enough. If I push him, make him feel bad about, it's not going to make him stop, it just won't work. I know from my own experience years ago that it's something to be done on your own, for yourself when enough is enough.
Okay, he just walked in the door, took his boots off and headed straight for the bathroom.
Am I getting caught up in his cycle...was thinking if he didn't come home, I'd be okay. Give me time to read and relax before I went to be and to get some sleep. H doesn't sleep very well which means I don't sleep very well.
a few times and remember H yelling "what do you want!!" 
Then I fully woke up and realized S was in his own bed and had fallen on the floor. When I went into S's room he was asleep on the floor and I just laid him back in his bed.
For as much as she has going for her, she's a very lonely woman. Career first at all costs. Oh well enough about her, she is very good to me--the majority of time. 