There is somewhere in the stages where it states that they will be tested on the different things that they did while in replay. That you can not make the choice for them, but that they will have to face them and walk away from them. If they do not walk away from them, they will have to go through it until they do.
The alcohol and the OW seem to be his two big major obstacles. That is why you need to get on your knees because you can not discuss these two things with him. The reason you don't feel anything about it is simply because you expect it. What is anyone's reaction to something that they expect is going to happen. No big deal, I knew it was going to happen. That is also God's way of protecting you sometimes too.
Now, I want you to go back to a time where you were doing something that you could just not stop yourself from doing it. I want you to think about how you felt during that time about the addiction, how you felt when someone would tell you that what you were doing was wrong, how you felt when you were around the people that told you to stop and you didn't and so on. I want you to put yourself there so that you get the full understanding of what he is trying to battle at this point.
Did you not lash out at the people that you loved because you new what you were doing was wrong and you knew that the knew? Did you not get upset with them when they would bring your wrongs to the forefront to make sure that you knew that they knew? Didn't it feel like they were rubbing your nose in the situation? So what did you try to do, but to avoid them because you couldn't face them.
This is what he is going through right now. Every time that he gets tempted and falls off the wagon, he has to face all of those hurts and fears and I bet you any money, your face and your son's face come up in his face even though you are not there.
Do you honestly think that the Lord is going to sit by and let him do this without disciplining him? I think not. He is running because he is guilty and afraid. You have changed in many ways and he doesn't know how to communicate with you anymore because you see right through him. Although, you are not judging him, he judges himself every time he faces you or his son. Also, you are being tested to see if you still have faith in the Lord. Which, I know that you do and you know that you do.
You are not taking it to heart because it is not your cross to bear. It is his cross to bear and until he repents and stops what he is doing, he will continue to carry it and everything that goes along with it.
That is why it is so important for you right now to be praying for him continually and fasting if you are led to do so. You are standing in the gap for him. He just doesn't realize how much you are doing for him in the spiritual part yet, but one day he will know when he is ready.