First and foremost, all these questions should be taken to the Lord and have him answer them for you. Second, get in that prayer closest and start talking with the Lord about your concerns and not to your husband.
Just treat your husband with uncoditional love, forgiveness, acceptance and without judgement. Stop asking him about his drinking and all that. Take it all to the Lord and let it go. The more you try to figure out what you should do in order to help your husband, the more confused and burdened you are going to become.
All these issues, are his to work out and there nothing and I mean nothing that is going to get him to come around until his eyes are opened. The best way for his eyes to be opened is for the Lord to do it. What happens with you when the Lord shows you something in yourself that needs to be changed? Does he have to use other people or does he show you through other ways as well?
The one thing you have to remember, is that the Lord has all things under control. Yes, these things bother you and I understand why. You love your husband and don't want to see him get hurt or anything like that. You can see the damage that it is doing to him and so on; but he has to see it in order to change it. Any harpering or pointing out that you do, only makes him become defensive. If you try to find him or do the things that the OW did, he will take it as you spying on him, checking up on him and not trusting him. Not to mention the fact, that satan can use it as a means to hurt you and send you backwards.
The best thing that you can do for your husband during these times is pray for him. Then let the Lord do the rest. Your prayers do more for him then anything else. Let the Lord lead you as to what you should or should not do. Don't try to do this in your own strength or in your own way. I found out for myself, that every time I try to handle the situation or do what I think is the right thing to do, things seem to get worse, but when I turn it all over to the Lord and stop trying to fix, control or manipulate the situation for my benefit, things seem to change on their own.
Satan is making you second guess yourself and causing this confusion that you are going through. He will continue as long as he knows that he can. Stand firm in what you have been shown and what you know to be the truth.
You are not doing things wrong and you are not going down the wrong path. You are doing things as the Lord has directed you and you are getting scared because of circumstances. Get your eyes off the circumstances and put them back where you had them. Don't doubt yourself and don't, especially, doubt the Lord.
Write down all the scriptures that you have been given by the Lord and read them every time these doubts start coming into your head or you start to question what you are doing.
