Quote: Can you let go of the expectations, stop tryng to fix him and just love him as he is?
I think I am loving him as he is, the best that I can at this point. I don't think I have any expectations at this point, do I? Maybe...is wanting H to quit seeing OW an expectation? Is wanting H to quit drinking an expectation? Becuase I would like this and don't know if I can live like this forever.
As for as doing things for me, well I think I've let go of any expectations. When he wouldn't even acknowledge my birthday nor did he give me a card...maybe that's an expectation? My freinds give me cards, acknowledge my birthday, my family. I don't know., eventually H did acknowledge it.
A few have suggested that the reason he goes to OW's after he's been drinking is becuase H doesn't feel like I want him here? oh myyyy....I think a light bulb came on. I've been so busy condeming H for drinking and then going to OW, and that might just be the reason he does go to OW. My expectation is for him to be sober. My H knows that I think he has a drinking problem, OW could probably care less. Do I just back completely off from the "drinking" problem thing, accept H drunkness and all...for now. At this point I believe he's better off here even when drunk or maybe I just want him here no matter what.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I'm wondering if there is a way for H to feel safe coming home after he's been drinking, rather than going to OW's? Or is it plain and simple OW and he wants to be with OW after he's been drinking?
Like Thursday night when he was at his bar, I usually do go that way after work and didn't that night. BUT, if I would have drove by and saw his truck, would it have made a difference if I would have stopped and had a drink with H? Would that have been what he needed from me in order to come home? When he's not home by a certain time do I go out and find H? I've been leaving him alone and not bothering him, but I wonder if maybe I should go to him when I feel he's drinking somewhere? OR, am I better off leaving him to himself?
I know the time when OW did track him down at a bar and H told me this, he said to me "did you come looking?" and I said of course not.
