Reconstruction Phase V

[holdingon]

Cathy,
Is it possible for you to love your H as he is right now... warts and all, loving when he is home? I know that is a huge thing to ask or even consider. But how much do we miss out when we put conditions on our love... not that you are, because you are being a saint, but I have been reading a book that gave me something to think about.

Can you let go of the expectations, stop tryng to fix him and just love him as he is?

I only ask because reading Life Lessons by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, they talk about taking the conditions off the love that we give for each other. She says if we measure the love received, we will always feel shortchanged. When you feel unloved, it is not because you are not receiving love, it is because you are withholding love.

This kind of took my breath away... cause I definitely feel like I am withholding love. Granted, right now it is for my own self preservation. But can I love my H for who he is right now? I really don't like the person he is right now. So, how to love him?

Another tough question, that is for sure. She said you cannot close your heart to that person. That the answer should never be to withhold love until they shape up. Am I doing that? And yet is showing love pursuing him? How about being loving when I see him, trying hard to be nonjudgemental... ugh. This is hard.

She says "if you love them in spite of what they did, you will see changes, you will see all the power of the universe unleashed. You will see their hearts melt open."