Was going to email you this morning, but as always you know when I need you. Funny, I read your post and am thinking I'm headed that way, your way, the Lords way. I feel this new strength today, seeing these little lighbulbs going off. You're putting into words what my jumbled thoughts have been trying to make sense out of.
You are so right and believe it or not I was thinking the exact thoughts this morning.
Quote: There is nothing and I mean nothing that you can do about what he is doing. About the only way that you are going to stop this completely from happening is for you to walk away from him totally and completely. I know that isn't what you want to do because if it was, you would have done that by now. You have had plenty of good reason too.
It would be easier if he wasn’t AT home, but it would be the only difference. At this point I don't want to put him out either. Even if he was out, the only difference would be that: he wouldn't be living with us--I'd be back to where I was last summer.
Quote: I realized the pressure that I was putting on my husband for the first time without even trying to. I was counting on my husband to make the right move in order to make me feel better and more secure about our situation. How can my husband do that when he is not even secure within himself? The Lord showed me that my trust, faith, love all needs to be in him. He gave me this picture of him always walking right by my side wherever I go. So now when Satan tries to come at me, I close my eyes and I picture the Lord right by my side walking and talking with me.
I'm beginning to think that any cards, an expectations are a big no-no.
Quote: If you look at it, you go back and forth as much as he does because of his modes. I did the same thing. I did the exact same thing because my emotions were and are tied into his. That is what the Lord was showing me, that I had to be more consistant. I had to stop allowing his emotions to decide my emotions.
Yep, I do do this don’t I. He pulls closer, I come in..H backs off and then my reaction is to back off. It started becoming clear to me last night and this morning, that I’m the ride with H. It’s when I feel things are going along good, thinking I see improvements, start feeling things “might” be changing and than “bam, reality check” nothing has changed. BUT, I do see changes, what do I do with those ignore them? Not read anything into them I guess. Maybe just be happy that H is trying to change himself, not for me, but for himself and to not "read" anything into anything he does or doesn't do.
Laure, you've given me lots to think about, lots to process, even though I feel like I'm starting to "get it" something or someone's poking me anyway.
It's like H is drowning and wants me to help him except I CAN'T swim so I think I'm helping, but then he keeps pulling me down with him. Well how silly of me thinking I can save him. I need to get out of the water, get a rope wait for H to signal that he's tired, that he's giving up that he wants my help.
I think I know where I need to turn and Who can help me the most and Who will always be there. The man upstairs.
