You are reminding me of myself. You are fluctuating as much as he is. I know, I do the same exact thing and the Lord started showing me my own cycle. You do the same thing, you are thinking all kinds of things, but do not really know what is going on in his mind. You are also assuming alot of things and going over old conversations and satan is having a field day with you.
There is nothing and I mean nothing that you can do about what he is doing. About the only way that you are going to stop this completely from happening is for you to walk away from him totally and completely. I know that isn't what you want to do because if it was, you would have done that by now. You have had plenty of good reason too.
What is so frustrating for you as well as for me, is that you have no clue as to what he is thinking or what he is going through and you won't until he chooses to talk about everything. Even then you may not know everything. Put your confidence and trust in the Lord. Not into what your husband is doing or not doing. It doesn't matter what your husband is doing or not doing because you know what the Lord has told you.
If the Lord is with you, then it doesn't matter because you are going to be alright. I just came to the realization about this stuff in this last week. The Lord took me to another sight about marriage restoration, showing me different scriptures about things and it is all becoming very real to me now. In a way I didn't understand before.
I was getting really upset about things and then I started reading some information from this sight and the thing that caught my eye was: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR YOU TO DO RIGHT NOW IS TO "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." Psalms 46:10 (read Psalms 46 the whole thing). Then he started to show me how I always counted on and trusted people for my happiness, security, love and all that.
I realized the pressure that I was putting on my husband for the first time without even trying to. I was counting on my husband to make the right move in order to make me feel better and more secure about our situation. How can my husband do that when he is not even secure within himself? The Lord showed me that my trust, faith, love all needs to be in him. He gave me this picture of him always walking right by my side wherever I go. So now when Satan tries to come at me, I close my eyes and I picture the Lord right by my side walking and talking with me.
Then I get this peace. Yes, I don't like my situation and at times I don't like the way it makes me feel, but for the first time I realize that I am not alone. I'm beginning to learn that the most important relationship I have is with the Lord and the rest will follow.
Cathy, you will have up days and down days and you know what, it is okay to have those. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but don't let Satan take your mind and put all those thoughts in your head and allow you to doubt yourself or the Lord. Because he will do that in every way that he can come up with in order to get you to give up on the Lord.
If you look at it, you go back and forth as much as he does because of his modes. I did the same thing. I did the exact same thing because my emotions were and are tied into his. That is what the Lord was showing me, that I had to be more consistant. I had to stop allowing his emotions to decide my emotions.
I had to stop expecting him to react or think of me and getting angry because he didn't. He showed me that unconditional love doesn't have to do with what the other person is thinking of me or no thinking of me, but loving him in spite of it. I had to let go of the control that I was trying to hang onto. I hope that I'm explaining this properly. By letting go of the control, I mean letting go of what I think he should be doing, thinking or reacting to what I am doing, saying, etc.
I'm beginning to understand so much more then what I did before and I know that there is still so much more to learn about all of this. I now realize that this has to be a part of who I am and not just for working on my marriage. That my trust has to be completely in the Lord for everything. To stop looking at what is going on around me and keep seeing the Lord.
Trusting in what he has told me and believing him for it. Working on myself to change me into the wife, mother, and person that he wants me to be. To be willing to be obedient even when I don't understand, because I will understand in time.
Cathy, you are not alone. Hang in there, because in time this to will pass.
