This so hard today. I just don't want to feel anything, this up and down is just too much. I feel emotionally drained and I really don't want to feel anything! I want my emotions to be dead. I don't want to have to deal with anything unpleasant, just want a relaxing evening.
H isn't home from work yet, it's raining...I bet I know where he is...drinking. If he doesn't come here again tonight I just don't know if I can take it. I know he's struggling but so am I.
I didn't speak with him at all yesterday, oh I left a vm reminding him he had to pick up S. I didn't get home till after 10 pm because of the event I worked at and didn't talk to H when I got home either, he was sleeping.
H called this morning and we spoke about what S and H did last night, son issues and some news. There was a lapse of silence I just didn't have anything to say to H today.
I'm ready to start crying, just so darn tired of all the emotions. It's so draining, I didn't sleep much the night before and I didn't really get to enjoy myself at the event last night, too tired. Becuase of H and his antics the night before. So tired of this.
Now he's not home from work yet and he won't answer his cell. I can't ask him if he's coming home, can't ask where he's going I can't do anything and He gets to do everything whenever he wants to and I can't say a word.
Am I having a pity party or what? My S is a monster, he's being awful to me, biting, hitting and just laughs. I walked into the sitters and she yells at me becuase MY S wouldn't listen to her today. He woke up one of the little girls from her nap and was told not to by sitter but S continued to wake the little girl up. I mean, Yes he doesn't listen, but she didn't have to yell at me! The mom was there and she said "good luck with her tonight she didn't have nap because of my S" ohhh.
Well I'm going to do some heavy power walking on the treadmill and then SS20 is stopping over for awhile.
