Maybe you're right Holdingon. It might have been Saturday with H, also. That I'm coming back into his world again, that we ran into people I haven't seen in almost a year and half. That they know H was with OW, yet they seemed nice enough to me.

I think I was feeling guilty because I was responsible for OW's pain and my H leaving OW. That his friends, coworkers, OW's coworkers, that they thought I was the bad person. His coworkers in the bar were checking me out, I can't describe the look in their eyes.."she's not that bad"..."why'd he leave her," disbelief I don't know what.

Then today I'm thinking WHAT THE? I'm the wife people, H left me for OW, H was an A with OW, he's married to ME! I didn't do anything wrong and I shouldn't be the bad person. No matter what H said or did "I was not the bad person!" Or maybe they're more curious becuase I DID take him back! Want to see who this woman is, whose H was having an A and she took him back. Maybe that doesn't happen very often in H's other world, I don't know. Now I'm feeling pretty darn good about myself.

I guess it's just something I'll have to get used to and this weekend was the first time that I've had to deal with it, be a part of it. That I'm sure OW would hear about it, and that she would hurt...but have to remind myself that H IS my husband and is not available nor ever was. H was always going to come back, he just couldn't get up the nerve to do it.

Being with H so much also doesn't give me my time to pray, read the bible, reflect which I also didn't do a lot of. Saturday night I was beat. H was beat, too. I thought he might be interested and he said I'm too tired tonight, wouldn't matter if you were a VC model, I'm tired.

This coming from my male stud, whose always "ready" and can do it "three times a night" I guess he's a big talker after all. H WAS tired and admitted it to me for the first time ever!!

I'm okay now, I AM okay.

Cathy