Happy Birthday! I agree - OW must have to mail it to him because he's not coming over there!!! Now be sweet as pie to him today, include him in your birthday plans, don't have any expectations from him.
Thank you all of the kind birthday wishes. I had a great birthday!
Since I was golfing with my friend P I left a VM for H asking if he’d pick up S. H never called back. I spoke with him after lunch with my sister, asked if he wanted to go out to eat with me and S’s, H says “no” and then asks where we were going. I told him and he said why are you backtracking…whatever. So I hung up, thought of another place closer to our home, called H, he picked up and I said what about Friday’s and I said think about it I really want you to come. H said well don’t have to decide now.
At this point H has not acknowledged my birthday at all. I was sad, I mean H can’t even wish me a happy birthday, how hard is that?
I got home from golfing, no H and S, they arrived about an hour after I got home. They both come in the house, S does say something about the gift they got for me, not a word out of H.
H was struggling with something. Kept asking where we were going to eat, at one point says he’s not going, grabs his checkbook and heads to his truck. This was right after they got home, gift was still in H’s truck? S’s out riding his bike, I come back in the house. Shortly after S comes in with my card. It was so cute and a gift card. Nothing from H.
The H says why don’t you and sons go up North? Then says to go out to eat without him. I said why are you trying to get rid of us, me. You’re telling me to go up North, to go out to eat. H said he doesn’t feel good that’s why he doesn’t want to go out to eat and that he's not trying to get rid of me.
H said did you set the alarm this morning? I said yes but you got up before it went off. H then says why didn’t you tell me you weren’t getting up? I get up an hour after him and then says why didn’t you tell me you weren’t working today. I might as well go to town where OW lives? I don’t want to be here. I said where do you want to be, H says with OW. I then brought up the envelopes, yes I just had to say something. H says “she didn’t send me anything” I said yes she did I recognized her handwriting. H said how do you know what her handwriting looks like, I said I do. I said why is she sending you stuff? H says I don’t know, maybe because she wants you to see it. Then tells me what the contents were. Some activities that were going on around town this weekend? H said she sent it because it was stuff OW thought H could do with S.
So I ask H were is this one event that I’m sure son will enjoy. H says why don’t you call OW and tries to tell me her phone number and says see I don’t even know what it is. It’s programmed into my cellphone I don’t even know what it is. Well long story short H, S and I are going to do some of the activities that were mailed to H by OW. H is working, S and I were go to one activity, we will then meet H at his jobsite and go to two a few of the other activities. We are spending the day together and I guess I have OW to thank…her plan backfired, but hey WE will have a great day!
And then H all of a sudden feels better gets S in the house and they take a shower because they’re taking “momma out to eat.” We had a great time at the restaurant. H was such a different person, I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn’t drinking, he was nice, he was flirty. SS joined us to, he gave me a really sweet card and flowers.
After dinner H says we’re going to his bar so that I can have a drink there. I’m thinking you’re going to take me and sons to your bar? So we all proceed to head over there and when we get there H sees some of his buddies vehicles in the parking lot. We had to wait for SS to get there, actually H insisted we wait for SS before we go in. We’re sitting in the car and I can tell H was getting nervous, uncomfortable. I think he was looking for an excuse to not go in and S4 says something and H says we’re not going in, then says no this isn’t good..weird all of a sudden. The intention was there, but I realize why H might not quite be ready to parade me into the bar where he met OW, where his friend were..we were ohhh so close. I was okay with it, actually very okay with…we’ll go another time.
Came home, H gets his clothes ready for today. Says where can I put these? Like he want’s to be sure I see them and that we’re going, I told him to put them on the chair.
As we’re laying in bed, getting ready to sleep. I thank H for buying dinner and FINALLY he says “happy birthday” AMEN and goodnight H. I did say to him earlier in the evening, when he was sitting on the couch that "he was trying to act like it wasn't my birthday, that he couldn't even say happy birthday to me, that he was trying to avoid ackowldinging it and that I did notice! He didn't say anything.
The important thing through all of this, Is that I can FINALLY see, understand what H was/is going through when he said he was going to OW’s earlier in the evening. H didn’t really mean it, he couldn’t deal with the feelings, the emotions, the guilt of his past actions maybe and this was/is his way of dealing with them. His actions were all over, like H didn’t know what do with himself or his feelings. It’s H’s reactions to those feelings. That if he goes to OW’s those feelings will go away, yet I think H knows that he won’t be happy there or that it’s not the answer to his confusion, it’s just his REACTION to those feelings. I get it now.
When he said those lines earlier in the evening, I did get the panic feeling, but was able to overcome them quickly because I knew he wasn’t moving out. I said “I’m sorry you don’t want to be here” and left it at that. Shortly after was when he started coming back around.
I think the fact that I didn't tell H that I was taking the day off really bugged him and hurt him. I could really feel the hurt in his voice.
Well I have to get ready as we have lots planned for today. S is getting his pictuce taking this morning with his Tball team. S is very EXCITED about playing.
Wow! That's all I can say. I second Ellie's post that you ARE amazing. This man is VERY lucky!!!
I'm glad you had such a great birthday.
Quote: It’s H’s reactions to those feelings. That if he goes to OW’s those feelings will go away, yet I think H knows that he won’t be happy there or that it’s not the answer to his confusion, it’s just his REACTION to those feelings. I get it now.
OMG! You're right; it's as if ow is his drug of choice. He feels this, he does that, he doesn't feel those feelings anymore....a temporary fix.
Quote: When he said those lines earlier in the evening, I did get the panic feeling, but was able to overcome them quickly because I knew he wasn’t moving out. I said “I’m sorry you don’t want to be here” and left it at that. Shortly after was when he started coming back around.
I love this! I'll try this as well. Thanks.
Hope the rest of your birhtday weekened is wonderful!
