Go back and read HB again. When her husband hit this stage, she had to become a teenager again and they had a great time.
The other thing that you must start working on is shoving the devil out of your head. When he starts putting the doubts in your head about your h, you have to start stepping on him. Otherwise, he will continue to use them to drive a wedge between the two of you.
This is going to be a whole new ball game for you. Before you were detaching and doing the things that were necessary to detach. Now you have to work on the areas that bring you back together, but keep you independent.
So difficult to explain, but I know exactly what I'm trying to say. You are still holding onto the things that he did, but not as unforgiveness, but as fear. There is a book on Rejoice Marriage Ministries that talks about After the Prodigal Returns. Very good book and might be very helpful.
Remember, just as you trusted the Lord to help you through the detaching and to guide you there, now you have to trust him to help you to do the reattaching. He is not going to let things happen again that are going to hurt you, but he will give you a heads up in advance in order to help you to work through them.
He has already told you several different times that you h is not going to leave you. Now trust him with that and ask him what it is that you need to do in order to make your h feel secure. He has already showed you a couple of places that you should have said something different then what you said. So you know that he is there leading you and trying to help you.
Once you get your h to feel secure, then you will feel secure. Now get on it and stop beating yourself up and stop worrying about whether or not your h is going to stick around. The Lord has already told you he is. Now trust the Lord.
I'm practically in tears right now you JUST know when I need your words, or should I say the Lord JUST knows when I need you.
Thank you so much for pointing me to HB. Since I have a lot of her stuff printed out I did go back this morning and was looking for something, anything that would help me with this stage. I do remember reading about this on her thread, so will search until I find it.
Quote: So difficult to explain, but I know exactly what I'm trying to say. You are still holding onto the things that he did, but not as unforgiveness, but as fear
This is exactly what I feel..fear. I do have that book so will need to get it out and read it again.
Quote: Once you get your h to feel secure, then you will feel secure. Now get on it and stop beating yourself up and stop worrying about whether or not your h is going to stick around. The Lord has already told you he is. Now trust the Lord.
Laurie...ummmmm...I thought I felt a whack....
You're right this is a whole new ball game. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction...the Lord. I was struggling with it, wasn't sure how the Lord was going to get me back in the game.
Quote: Now you have to work on the areas that bring you back together, but keep you independent.
I cannot/willnot lose the independence. In my mind it's what started this whole mess to begin with, at least for me, I got too wrapped up in my H.
Well I found it, HB's post to "Lynn" who asked "Is there any stage where they are more receptive to the playful flirting side?"
Brought it here to share and keep it handy. ******************************************************** QUOTING HB: It must be my day to give "teen-ager" advice-maybe I ought to start a column called "HB's Lonely Hearts Club." LOL
Nothing wrong with flirting, and YES, they can and do respond to that, it is not interpreted as pressure.
You can actually do it anytime, and they are most receptive during the stage of Replay-and afterwards.
Have at it, if he doesn't reject you right off-if he does, back off for a time, trying again later. Just don't get angry at him if he doesn't respond to you at first-be patient with him, he won't know why you are doing this, and possibly be suspicious, but be CONSISTENT.
You had to attract him when you dated him, right?
And he is acting like a teen-ager, right? Ok, so put on the persona of a teen for right now, you might find the young lady you lost a long time ago.
I played the "teen-age" games with my husband, and had the MOST fun I ever had with him during that time-I had lost a lot of weight, looked like a teen, so I dressed and acted like one-now, I never lost sight of what my responsibilities were, BUT-you know, I learned in that process, that worrying about things did NO good, so I learned to drop the worry, and just have fun with my husband for quite a while. It helped me, also in the "letting go" process-I learned to look at him differently, and finally become his friend for keeps.
I found out he was seeing me as his "girlfriend" and that went on for, let me see, around six months or so-even after he broke Withdrawal-he didn't exactly see me as his wife again until around four months ago.
Try it, and forget his and your problems for awhile.
You think I'm crazy but I LOVED that time-we enjoyed one another, and he wanted to be close to me I was attracting him to me, like I did BEFORE we married-I still have that personality mixed in with my "adult" persona-never too old to have fun. ***********************************************************
I, moi, have a boyfriend and he's married to ME wooohoooo... ...this IS going to be fun!!
Quote: that worrying about things did NO good, so I learned to drop the worry, and just have fun with my husband for quite a while. It
I was thinking about this the other day. I wonder if perhaps this is what they're (H's) looking for, especially after the birth of a child (as with you and with me). We can be responsible (at work, with finances, with kids) and yet have a GREAT time otherwise. I have been trying to do this, to show dd a happy mommy. I know you have too.
It's Friday, it's sunny. I have the day off and it's my birthday! WooHoo!!
Yesterday was a great day. It finally feels like summer/spring around here. For the most part I have my flowers planted, just need to add some weed control and then viola!
We are not going up north. H has to work tomorrow I called H once yesterday and left a message on his cellphone. H didn't call me back and didn't come here right after work, tried calling him again and no answer. Called SS to see what he was up to and he said his dad had called him and said we were't going up north. H didn't call me and tell me that. Oh well.
When I got the mail yesterday, there was an envelope from OW, it just had H's name and address and no return address! Argghhh NOW she's mailing stuff to H,HERE which I think is awful nervy. I wanted to say something to H, had to bite my tongue.
S and I went over to my sister's for awhile and when we got into the car to come home I had two missed calls from my H so I figured he was home. When we got here I saw that the envelope was gone. I was outside at one point and saw it on the dash of his truck, didn't open the door or anything but saw that the envelope was open and it was a newspaper article of some kind was in it.
So now she's sending things here in the mail, I guess it shouldn't surprise me.
H wasn't in a very good mood last night, quiet, withdrawn he doesn't feel well, had a headache all day and he's been coughing like crazy. H went to bed early but couldn't fall asleep was still awake when I was came to bed.
S came into our room and asked H if he could take him to buy me a birthday card after work today...how sweeet. I think H said something to S on the phone yesterday morning, because after he got off the phone with H, son said he had a secret.
Hopefully today I can golf with my friend P. She is now coping with her own H's infidelity which she just found out about last Friday. They have been having problems for a LONG time and it all hit last week. The things that her H has been doing is not pretty. He's definitely in MLC. I don't know if my friend P will accept that or acknowledge it as a reason for his craziness. I did send her the db website. She responded saying she didn't realize there were other options, just thought D was the option.
Remember what DR says about not pursuing in that it really pushes the WAS away. Well it seems to me that your H's OW is pursuing him and likely it will have the same effect on him, ie, pushing him away from her.
your DBing is working and making the OW desperate.
Cathy, Why is OW mailing stuff to your house? Why is she not just giving it to him IN PERSON? Because she is either not seeing him, or doesn't know when she will see him again...
I don't see that as a bad thing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Why is OW mailing stuff to your house? Why is she not just giving it to him IN PERSON? Because she is either not seeing him, or doesn't know when she will see him again...
My thoughts exactly.. ..after I thought about it....next she'll be on our doorstep..and to be honest I wouldn't be at all surprised if that happened!
This is my H's problem, not mine, and I will not dwell on it any longer.
...this IS going to be fun!! 
I called H once yesterday and left a message on his cellphone. H didn't call me back and didn't come here right after work, tried calling him again and no answer. Called SS to see what he was up to and he said his dad had called him and said we were't going up north. H didn't call me and tell me that. Oh well. 
