My H has been treating my S like he is 18 since he was about 2. We would have arguments because I would interfer when he was being to harsh. I don't get in it now unless it is something that is really going to harm s. It is never anythin that bad.
It sounds as if the time away did your H some good!
Quote: I asked H where he was going and he said to --town where OW is from
I was thinking that your H doesn't lie to you when he's going to see OW; he tells you straight out...almost as if in a defiant manner. Why would he lie to you about the weekend?
Keep focusing on the good, on the positives, on the fact that he comes home to YOU!!
Ah, maybe h throws ow in your face because you seem so uncaring. He wants to know you care, see your reaction. Remember actions speak louder than words and he's desperatly seeking reassurance.
Do you think that may be the case? He's not necessarily with her but likes to make you think that way to rile you up? Nothing feeds the insecure ego like a woman that can't live without him. Though you don't want to be clingy it's a fine line to build him but respect yourself. Finding that line may be the key to getting him to commit to the m.
Quote: Nothing feeds the insecure ego like a woman that can't live without him. Though you don't want to be clingy it's a fine line to build him but respect yourself. Finding that line may be the key to getting him to commit to them.
Hmmmm...I know this and have been thinking on it..it is a fine line. I'm not the needy, clingy type. I don't let myself be the needy, clingy type, to me that means losing myself to my H.
Since it's been pointed out here before by other dbers it is something I will be working/praying on.
I'm beginning to do some soul searching, going back to the beginning years of our R working forward. Funny from the very beginning H said he would NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN, yet in my heart I knew he would. It took me getting pregnant for that to happen, so this is kind of a block. I don't know that H would have asked me to marry him if for not the situation we were in or if the R would have continued at all. That's how far I've gone back so far.
Hmmmm...any ideas, suggestions would be welcome. Maybe others out there are similar in that they are not the needy/clingy type and needed to change that part of themselves or should I say tweek.
Quote: I told H that I missed him and that I was happy he was home. H said why didn't you call me then?
There's a difference between being needy and pursuing, and meeting his needs for quality time. My H is a quality time person. I never used to call him at work, didn't want to "interrupt" him- and frankly, I'm more of a loner, so I didn't feel the need to touch base all the time. Besides, he called me when he wanted to talk to me, right? WRONG! It's amazing to me how grateful he is now when I call him at work, even if it's just to say hi. Obviously your H needs and wants quality time. So try calling him, putting cute little notes in his lunch, meeting him for lunch if that's an option, and when he IS home - be with him. Sit next to him (even if you want to get up and do the dishes instead). Look him in the eyes when you listen to him. Heck, I even used to lie in bed at night and try to match my breathing to my H's.
Quote: H stayed in OUR bed all night! I told H that I missed him and that I was happy he was home. H said why didn't you call me then? I told him that just because I didn't call doesn't mean I didn't miss you. H didn't say anything.
When I read this I copied it and see that ellie and Cindy both saw it for what I did!
You H just told you something important; he wants you to show him you care by calling" OMG, I just had a light bulb moment! concerning my own sitch! Both Ellie and Cindy made some great points! I think you need to sit down and decide if that WOULD be a 180 to call him. Maybe his LL is "confirmation of words"
I also agree that your H does tell you when he is going to see OW. So I'd say he is showing you he is honest. I also think he could be trying to get a reaction out of you by telling you he is going to her. He diffently wants you to start telling and showing him you care! Think about this!
Quote: There's a difference between being needy and pursuing, and meeting his needs for quality time. My H is a quality time person. I never used to call him at work, didn't want to "interrupt" him- and frankly, I'm more of a loner, so I didn't feel the need to touch base all the time. Besides, he called me when he wanted to talk to me, right? WRONG! It's amazing to me how grateful he is now when I call him at work, even if it's just to say hi. Obviously your H needs and wants quality time. So try calling him, putting cute little notes in his lunch, meeting him for lunch if that's an option, and when he IS home - be with him. Sit next to him (even if you want to get up and do the dishes instead). Look him in the eyes when you listen to him. Heck, I even used to lie in bed at night and try to match my breathing to my H's.
Quote: Your H just told you something important; he wants you to show him you care by calling
I've been thinking a lot on this and it's the tone H used. What I hear is H's defending his not calling me, by saying "why didn't you call." Maybe it's time to rethink on what H is really saying. I might be taking it the wrong way--based on my old way of thinking. Maybe I've been hearing H the wrong way and not just in the last few weeks, but for a very long time.
