Join the club... I'm trusting that it's normal for now...
Quote: What I've started thinking about is how it seems like my H doesn't like me when I'm feeling strong or happy; he reads it as obnoxious or intimidating or superficial.
Hmmm... that sounds an AWFUL lot like Scharch's description of "borrowed functioning"... when the one being borrowed against "does better", the one inflating their pseudo-self at the "expense" of the other doesn't do as well... could that be where this is coming from?
Quote: Schnarch says you always marry someone at the same level of differentiation as you. How can this always be true? What about people in arranged marriages?
I doubt that arranged marriages would qualify... Scharch is writing about (and observing) modern, "homemade" marriages...
Quote: What about people like me who got married young and pregnant?
I think that depends. If the woman got pregnant very early in the relationship, and "had to" get married, then this might be an exception to the rule, but I don't really know - I'm just guessing.
Quote: Do you only become friends with or date or have sex with or love people at the same level of differentiation as you?
No, but there's a natural selection process. Schnarch says that if the two people are not similarly differentiated, the relationship tends to break up quickly. However, I would think it would be possible for two delusional people to "force the issue" and get married despite misgivings they should have listened to...
Quote: Would I really be having these problems with anyone I married?
People generally get married not being "ready" for marriage - marriage makes you ready for marriage...
Quote: Isn't there some guy out there who likes sex and debating every issue and being super-enthusiastic and therefore wouldn't find me too hard to handle?
You might find him too hard to handle... you might CLASH instead of fitting together..
Quote: It seems like things are really improving in our relationship. We're having more sex. We're talking more and being far more intimate in our conversations. So, why are my doubts becoming even more monumental?
There are more issues than just sex. Maybe there are OTHER differentiation issues in your M... you might be encountering another layer of gridlock... Just some thoughts...
