The thing that I wonder about is how much of the poor interaction between my H and I is fusion and how much is just essential incompatibility. What I've started thinking about is how it seems like my H doesn't like me when I'm feeling strong or happy; he reads it as obnoxious or intimidating or superficial. I like to argue/debate and I like to be super enthusiastic about things and my H just isn't made to handle that. I think my H is happy that I might be medicated for ADD because it might make me a little less "larger than life" and this annoys me. Is it more differentiated for me to seek treatment or would it be more differentiated to decide that maybe I'm ok "hyper" and he just has to deal. I faced a similar problem regarding weight loss but that seemed less important. My weight isn't an essential part of my personality.
I'm also wondering about something else in PM. Schnarch says you always marry someone at the same level of differentiation as you. How can this always be true? What about people in arranged marriages? What about people like me who got married young and pregnant? Do you only become friends with or date or have sex with or love people at the same level of differentiation as you? People get married for a million different reasons.
Would I really be having these problems with anyone I married? Isn't there some guy out there who likes sex and debating every issue and being super-enthusiastic and therefore wouldn't find me too hard to handle? Isn't there some gentle, quiet LD woman who would appreciate my H's sensitivity and restraint?
It seems like things are really improving in our relationship. We're having more sex. We're talking more and being far more intimate in our conversations. So, why are my doubts becoming even more monumental?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
