Quote: I couldn't figure out how a differentiated person was supposed to act when the other spouse is the one who is upset and seeking validation.
I think it would mean remaining calm, and not seeking distance (i.e. not trying to go somewhere, hang up, end the convo...). I don't think providing validation is a good idea, as it will feed the fusion (just mho). I think it would be important to maintain one's "shape", remain calm, hold onto oneself, and otherwise just hold up your end of the conversation. Yes, it will leave the other feeling intensely insecure, it will throw them into their crucible. That is the desired outcome...
(please note, I am speaking here from theory only, as I understand it, not from personal experience...)
