I'm guessing here...but that makes me think she's got underlying issues she needs to deal with...and it's very possible she's not even aware of what they are. I mentioned this in a post on another thread...my LDH didn't even really realize how he was behaving towards me until our C asked some questions that made him think and allowed her to open his eyes to how he had been treating me and our relationship. He was really shocked/hurt that he'd been causing me so much pain.
We're far from the end of our road...but I'm very fortunate in the fact that my LDH wants to change his behavior. The truly hard part was getting him to see what he was doing to himself, me, and our relationship. I hate to put it this way...but he truly was "clueless" until that lightbulb came on.
I've now been able to request of him that he do something that shows he loves me every day...that I don't have to guess about...that doesn't require money...as I'm not lacking anything in our relationship monetarily...just emotionally/physically.
I feel that mading that request and imposing that condition...it still gives him some leeway to do some things he's comfortable with...but it's also not the easiest thing in the world for him to do so he has to stretch it a bit. I've noticed that since I put that condition on the table...that he participates with our son more, giving me more time to do what I need...and now he's beginning to do little things physically that he simply didn't do before....i.e. kissing me on the back of the neck, cuddling, and even walking into the kitchen buck naked and talking with me...he'd never do that before. This isn't sex, and certainly no replacement for it but...it's a start.
I've had to come to a realization for myself that these small steps are rewarding...for me...these steps scream that he does love me. I know they are so small...but just the effort is sooo important. It helps me to maintain my patience with our lack of sex...and as an added bonus, he's beginning to actually communicate more effectively with me as well. The other night I asked if he felt like "getting lucky"...and for once he actually told me he was too tired (normally he'd have ignored me) and said but tomorrow night we can. You could have knocked me over....I was so appreciative of him doing that and not ignoring me...I made a point the next day to let him know how much that meant.
but...it's a start.
