I'm so sorry that you're going through this...it's really no fun. I haven't actually done the A thing myself...but I'll admit I've had the opportunity and have been very close once, and was in fact in the process of planning a trip where we'd meet up...right before my LDH started counseling...when I felt I was at rock bottom and there was no way up.
I'm not trying to push anyone to get their spouse to read the book...but it never hurts to ask...sometimes they agree like my LDH...sometimes they simply won't...then drop it..otherwise it's pushing and they become resentful of it...you're absolutely correct there.
I would encourage you not to move out of the bedroom though. It's very difficult to bridge the sexual gap when you are separated in that manner but still under the same room...you're just roommates at that point.
I have to ask...exactly what does she mean when she says "My mother raised me better" better than what? That's pretty vague. And how does she know what her mother does in the bedroom. I mean...I happen to know what my parents do...but my mother and I a best friends so we talk about our problems but for most people it's an assumption. It just so happens my mom is LD and she and my father are having a the same problem my H and I are only flip-flopped. So I've been helping her to see where my father is coming from and how he's hurting. It's actually been very productive for us.
Anyway...back to the subject at hand. Unfortunately since you did go outside the marriage to meet your needs...that's going to complicate matters. I've always maintained (for myself anyway) that you can forgive...but you don't forget. You can even deal with the hurt and get past it...but you don't forget it. So unfortunately that's probably only going to add to her LD. Do you think it's possible she may at this point be using sex to punish you for your actions?
