This must be the 50 millionth post on the desire issue...but here goes: I have realized that I do need H to desire me in order to be mentally healthy. I don't think it's a fused thing to want to be desired; the fusion is when you get locked in a dynamic where the situation does not change. Needing to be desired is just that, a human need. For me, the sexual obsessiveness, while of course due to a lack of sex, was really fueled by the rejection. Tom, you don't impress me as a lonely, incompetent guy who has to fill the void... I think you are hurting from not feeling loved which makes the sex larger than life. You ( and all of us here)are handling some very painful stuff. That said, I think it's great to have some actitivies for fun, esteem ,soothing, etc. and you are right...they help in differentiation because we become emotionally stronger/calmer when involved in a task. J---who is wondering if posting on this board counts as an activity
