Did you ever know someone who tried too hard to be popular? Just the fact that you noticed means he probably failed. You just want to tell them to "lighten up." If they do lighten up they probably won't be as popular as they want, but they won't be the butt of jokes anymore, either.
We want to be popular and exciting to our respective spouses - but so many of us are trying too hard. How do become popular again? By not trying too hard. If we don't quickly succeed we become disappointed and unhappy. This unhappiness is the result of being too attached to the outcome of our actions. In other words: Fused. How do you get out of that fix? Differentiation.
What will get your W back? Your natural charm. Whatever won her to begin with.
How can you do it? By not chasing her away. You are the bait. You're not on a search and destroy mission.
What do you do when she doesn't come around? Differentiate so you're not so freaked out about the inevitable setbacks that you blow the whole thing and cling to her feet in a puddle of tears. (NOT SEXY!)
How do you keep things on track? Continue differentiation to maintain healthy boundaries.
I'm finding, as others have, that the merging of souls in a relationship through sex is an unrealistic goal. This is what I've wanted for a long long time. It's the ultimate escape from loneliness - and it's an illusion. The author, Hotchkiss, of the book on narcissism, Why Is It Always About You? points out this need for merging without boundaries is both narcissistic and infantile.
Ouch! It's time I grow up and find something else to do rather that JUST trying to get back into the womb.
Since puberty, sex or the pursuit of sex has been the most important thing in my life. It's high time I established some other goals and grew some other interests or passions. Maybe even become really competent at something. Chicks dig competent dudes - but guys slobbering over sex is a real turn-off.
