I know it is so hard.....we've given so much to these guys for so many years, it's really hurtful to have to deal with. I never in my wildest, most unhappy momoments would have thought I'd celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary and our precious D's wedding struggling to deal w'my h's affair. I would have never believed that wonderful guy would cheat on me. I get pretty broken hearted all over again when I focus on that much. You have been at it a long, long time. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. I feel so tired from it all sometimes and it's only been what, about 6 months. Everyone is entitled to poor me days, and especially us db'ers who are struggling so hard with this stuff.
I'm wondering how open your h is to doing something, anything, "fun" together? If you suggest something low key would he go for that? I remember reading about the importance of "healing time" in DR, of doing something, anything, pleasant together to take the focus off of R problems for a while. Is there some little thing you could do together? My H initiated "movie nights" on weekends --and it's something we've come to really enjoy and look foward to. Now he invites me to walk with him about 1x/week, and to go to church together....very small things but they have been helpful in at least getting us started in some common threads of pleasantness. Are there little things you could invite your H to do that might get him moving more in your direction?
If nothing else, how about giving yourself a break? a mental health day? It really sounds like you do have the world on your shoulders right now. Can you if nothing else put your feet up with a glass of ice tea and a good book or some music you like for an hour? Crawl in bed and pull the blankets over your head and nap for an hour? go to a park and swing and watch little kids play for a while? I find sometimes the most helpful thing for me is to just veg out from it all for a little bit.
Also, frankly, I'm on antidepressants and I don't think I would be doing nearly as well as I am (which some days is not well at all) if it wasnt for them.....
Hang in.....I'm thinking of you!!!!and sending prayers your way!
