I didnt want him there if he was going to make us all miserable. He never left, knew the boys would cut him off and made sure I knew that is why he was home. I was tired of living in a marriage with no sex, no kisses and no ILY's. Said he was too tired for sex, hated kissing and always had (surprise to me) and would never tell anyone again that he loved them. HUH? Once again I heard you love me more than I love you, therefore I dont really love you speech. I told him to leave. He would not, said I would have to have him removed by sheriff in front of sons. Said I misunderstood what he was trying to say. Said he always felt that he could only feel anything for anyone at about a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Didnt think it was enough for me. It was easier being with women who didnt want anything from him. I valiadated and told him I understood what he was saying and that is was ok. I wasnt looking for more than he could give and as long as I knew I was getting it all, I was ok. He made promises that our sex life would improve that I could have it whenever I wanted, that he would work on the ILY's and kisses and we would make our M work and that he wanted that more than anything. Felt like a huge weight had been lifted from him.
Hi Debra...I cut the quote down to the stuff that really resonated with me. My h has the same issues...
at least yours is home. My advice is to get the book "Passionate Marriages" by David Schnarch and call his offices to find a skilled couples therapist in your area. Your H and you are in a power struggle. Schnarch really describes this well.
I do not think it is unsolvable. I do think that there are real intimacy issues going on. Not sexual, necessarily.
Wish my h were not so afraid to address the issues. I'd love to do this wirk together with him. Maybe you will have better luck than I.
