To recap Married 27 years 2 sons both adults now H moved out in June 2001, text messaged me he wanted out and no longer wanted to be married. no contact other than mail to a false address for over 9 months. Would contact sons rarely. I did all the wrong things of course, found michelle's books and went my own way. Was served D papers by H on Christmas Eve, 2001 with no advance notice it was coming, got my own lawyer and fought back as H didnt want to share his retirement, pay joint debt or child support. In Feb. 2002, I bought my own home and was scheduled to move. Lawyer sent H letter teling him to move his things from old home or be charged a fee. H moved his things and left me a letter tucked away in my hope chest telling me he had been unfaithful during our marriage. I called him and asked him to explain and grudingly he did so. 1st OW was my best friend and his relationship with her lasted over a year. 2nd OW was a co-worker and they had sex twice and she got mean so he ended it. She recently showed up on my doorstep asking for my H, to reestablish their friendship, by the time I was done with her she ran away literally. 3rd was not confessed until a week later. Started off as just a 2nd co-worker, short term, but then he admitted he had been living with her and her son around the corner from the house we were leaving for the last 9 months and they were a family. I was physically sick. He begged forgiviness and wanted to come home. OW was threatening him and telling him she was going to call the kids and I and let us know what had been going on. He only admitted it so she didnt get to us first. He waffled the first few months saying he felt like he was in prison and he missed her. I repeatedly told him he was free to leave as he was now living in my new home and I didnt want him there if he was going to make us all miserable. He never left, knew the boys would cut him off and made sure I knew that is why he was home. OW also felt the need to make sure I knew this. After several mohths of dealing with him going to work everyday and seeing her, we decided it would be best if he quit (25 year job) and go back to school with my full support, including full financial support. After several more months his spirts started to lift and we moved on. In january of this year we had it out. I was tired of living in a marriage with no sex, no kisses and no ILY's. Said he was too tired for sex, hated kissing and always had (surprise to me) and would never tell anyone again that he loved them. HUH? Once again I heard you love me more than I love you, therefore I dont really love you speech. I told him to leave. He would not, said I would have to have him removed by sheriff in front of sons. Said I misunderstood what he was trying to say. Said he always felt that he could only feel anything for anyone at about a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Didnt think it was enough for me. It was easier being with women who didnt want anything from him. I valiadated and told him I understood what he was saying and that is was ok. I wasnt looking for more than he could give and as long as I knew I was getting it all, I was ok. He made promises that our sex life would improve that I could have it whenever I wanted, that he would work on the ILY's and kisses and we would make our M work and that he wanted that more than anything. Felt like a huge weight had been lifted from him. We are now 6 months later. He keeps saying he is working on it. No sex, nothing but a cuddle when we go to sleep. I am tired. I shoulder all the burden of our family (both boys still in college) and would honestly be okay if I was getting what I needed from H. I am not. I am scared that it is all a lie. I am scared to think that he came home because he knew he would lose his sons. He cant say ILY or kiss me or ML because he just feels nothing for me. I am scared he is only physically attracted to slutty trampy women (that describes all 3 women pretty much) and without the physical attraction, he just cant do it. I am not slutty or trampy. I am a 44, slightly overweight but working on it everyday woman. Does anyone see that his disinterest in me romantically could be anything else. We both go to counseling and he did go alone for a long time but would be livid if I brought this topic up. He says I am always looking for drama. This isnt drama, it is the same issue that he promises will change and never does. Sorry this is so long.
