You are describing a paradox I struggled with early in our "recovery" where you have to "fake it" for a while. The only way to handle this without it driving you crazy is to assert your desires in the type of way us PM fans talk about throughout this site. You will actually gain some happiness in yourself when you do these things. I found a level of intimacy and "connection" from the process of "assertion". It's weird.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
