Just for the record: W and I had another talk this weekend. It was one that we've had thousands of times before about what I'm doing wrong, not doing, etc. The gist of it is that if I'd just do everything she says/thinks/wants/needs then the world would be great. Mind you, her behavior wouldn't change no matter what I did, but me "being there for her" would make everything right. What she's asking for (in PM terms) is for me to be fused and take on her anxiety about (and agree to being the cause of) the problem du jour.
I did an excellent job (for me) of differentiating, staying calm, HOM and stating my position. I let her know that I was frustrated being in a R where I'm not wanted. She argued that point, but I pointed out that all I have to go on is her behavior toward me. (She hates to talk about behavior!) I pointed out that her not wanting me didn't mean she was a bad person, it just meant that she didn't want me.
Anyway, I let her know that I'm committed to the M for the sake of the kids and I would not be unfaithful to her. However, it would be unreasonable for either of us to assume that I'd be able to continue indefinitely in a M where I'm not wanted. (It was amazing how she tried to turn the convo to what I needed to do for her when I said that.)
Things have been pretty weird since then. She's moping around trying to get me to feel sorry for her. I can expect a big blow up in the next few days trying to get a rise out of me. In the meantime, she'll act depressed and neglect things so I can rescue her. (That proves that I see how bad it is for her.) But...it ain't gonna happen this time.
