All of us are terribly familiar with trying to make a marriage with a reluctant partner. It's not just the sex, but the reality of knowing that you are not the center of your spouse's world that is so hard to deal with.
We have done everything imaginable to meet the needs that our partners have. Gone over and above what many others would have done and have not thrown in the towel. We keep trying for many reasons.
When we are VERY clear about our needs to our spouses, we are rebuffed, rejected, and held hostage by a spouse that will not make the connection that intimacy is NOT always sex. The pain of that repeated rejection cuts deep.
I often think about the concept that marriage partners should be equally yoked. If the partners are not equal, one partner does most of the work while the other one is along for the ride. You get tired from doing most of the work and not getting your spirit refreshed by your partner.
The times that there were small changes with my H were always only temporary. I tried to make out that he might wake up from his slumber and and finally be willing to be the husband that he promised to be when he took the same marriage vows that I took. Not to be.
I also shared repeatedly with my H that I needed more from him than he was giving to me emotionally and spiritually. He heard what I said each time but he never really LISTENED. When I told him that I felt that he was pushing me into the arms of other men by his lack of attention to me, he was more worried about himself than what my having an affair would do to us. Even that was not a wake up call to him. I did not have an affair, but I was sorely tempted many times.
You are trying to do what is right for everyone. I applaude you for holding to your decision to stay especially with young children in your life. Holding on as you are may try you beyond what you have to give. Some sacrifices are worth making, but some are not. Only you know what decisions are right for you and which are wrong for you. Those decisions may change as your life changes.
If our spouse's eyes, minds, and hearts would open up to us, none of us would have ever had to come here. The success stories are rare, but they are out there. May you find at least contentment in your situation.
