tim47 wrote: What she "knows" is that you'll continue to accept the status quo. Oh, maybe you'll get snippy once in a while, but you won't really leave her or anything. (and) ...but you also have a responsibility to YOURSELF (your integrity). As long as you're willing to sell yourself out, she'll be willing to let you. _________________________________
As I've stated before, the integrity issue is critical for me. However, I have more than one area I must maintain integrity.
My kids are my first concern. The ages of my kids (under 10) make it such that I'm better for them by staying put, even if the best sexual days of my M are behind me. Maybe that changes as they get older. I'll have to evaluate that as I go.
My second consideration is my job at the church. If I leave/divorce it affects a lot more people than just the ones in my home. People would be hurt and disillusioned and at the very least, some (maybe many) would leave the church. There is the very real possibility that I'd have to give up my job for the church to continue in a healthy manner. That would take away my ability to provide for my kids, too.
I'm not paralyzed by fear, but I do see the realities clearly. I will continue to practice the PM principles to strengthen myself for whatever comes. (BTW, for those who may not know, every one of the PM principles are Bible based!) But there are some aspects of my life that are not my own. I wouldn't expect that to be the same for everyone.
I remember the dilemma Schnarch spoke of when he faced the possibility of divorce after moving to CO. He talked about the affect not working it out would have on his practice. Maybe that's my crucible moment to come.
Anyhow, I'd really like for someone to hijack this thread. I've talked wayyyy too much about me here. MM offered to be a HDW mentor for my wife. Let's talk about that!
Mike - MM would really hate me then! (I mean MORE than she does now. )
) 