On Saturday, as I was getting into the shower, my W told me about a TV program she saw the night before when she went up to bed. It was about a sex therapist talking on the importance of hugging to break down walls of resentment between couples with sexual difficulties. After she finished telling me, I said I understood how the hugging would help them feel better but not how it would resolve the problems that caused the resentment.
As we talked, I told her how I read about Hugging Till Relaxed. She asked more about it and I explained about differentiating, self-validated intimacy, and holding onto yourself and how it related to HTR.
To make an already long story shorter, she told me that she had seen my copy of PM, thumbed through it, liked it and bought her own copy. She said she's read the first 150 pages. Although she probably exaggerated her reading progress, I was floored.
We had a calm and honest convo for about 45 minutes. (My kids have NEVER not interrupted us talking within 10 minutes before.) I shared that I was not sure I would be able to stay in a M without sex and intimacy. I confessed that although I've pursued sex with her, I now realize (through PM) that what I've always wanted was the great sex that intimacy brings.
Everything didn't go great but we ended up on a positive note. I'm not getting my hopes up because I don't want to crash once again, but things have been much better R-wise. No sex, but for the first time ever she's begun to touch me (sitting on the couch reaching over to touch my arm, etc.).
I don't know what to think of this. But I am enjoying less complaining and arguing in the last few days than I can remember in 22+ years.
