I've been hit by a thunderbolt from above today. I was discussing my marriage with a coworker and telling her how unhappy and disatisfied I am these days. She said, "Well, how could you not be? You need a partner -- someone who loves you unconditionally and is your biggest fan -- your biggest cheerleader. You don't need someone you can't count on". We went on to talk about why I'm so unhappy -- dh doesn't do his share at home, he is reluctant to join the family in any outings, rarely plans anything, etc. She said that it sounds almost as though we're in a codependent relationship -- I enable him.
DUH!! I realized that I have never really, truly dropped the rope and started treating him like a grownup who is responsible for his own happiness. Instead, I'm constantly checking -- trying to push him to have fun with his friends, asking him to do chores, doing them myself when I can't stand it anymore and feeling resentful about it -- treating him like one of my children rather than a spouse. Okay, okay -- I know people (Betsey in particular) TRIED to tell me to quit doing this, but somehow I never quite got it. Do you think it's too late?
