Don't feel bad about being the "back up plan." I am having an emotional affair, and I love my H dearly, but he is the "back up plan" as well... I want OM to leave his W for me, and he will not. This does not mean I love my OM "more" than my H, just differently. You must think of it this way... when someone has an affair, it is usually at least partly the result of some problems and deficiencies in the marriage. Then, the affair itself further erodes the marriage. So , OF COURSE she chose OM over you at first, because HE is starting with a clean slate, and there is not years of messy marriage stuff to get in the way of an open and totally vulnerable kind of intimacy with him. She was probably choosing THAT as much as "Him" get it? Not to say she has no genuine love for OM, she very well may! I am just saying that being the "back up" is due to factors that have nothing to do with you. Trust me on that one. Good Luck!
