YOU are telling her that it is okay to act this way because you put up with it and you have not given it to her in plain language what will happen if things continue this way.
IMO, asking her if she wants a great marriage is not NEARLY clear enough. You need to tell her in no uncertain terms just what it has come to you with you--a matter of life and death for the marriage.
If you don't then YOU are the one who is, in effect, telling her that it is okay to be frigid.
Be strong and have that conversation with her that you so desperately want to have. Overcome whatever is standing in your way (fear of her response..?) and DO IT!
