Apparently the hardest thing any LD can do is to want to want. I have to believe that most LD's, even when trying to resolve the situation, never realize that the fix is not to just do it, the fix is to create desire for the spouse. They become mechanical at it, rather then become NATURAL at it. They become LD's that just have sex more often but still remain LD the entir time. To put it bluntly, if you don't WANT sex, you will never be any good at it. This is one thing about PM that really was not to helpful. To get to the PM, requires desire for the spouse, and yet, never in the book were there any suggestions to the LD on how to DO this. The book says to the HD spouse, go differentiate. Then MAGICALLY, the LD spouse is going to change and renew their desire for you. Sorry, it just does not happen this way for most LD women. THe LD women MUST overcome all of her sexual demons, and she must confront these pretty much on her own. This is darn near impossible since most women have no clue as to what their sexual demons are.
I think this is why Michelle tells the HD spouse to be VERY understanding in TSSM. I have always thought this was code for, "Realize that you LD spouse will never be able to meet your needs for sexual fullfillment (DESIRE) and you will have to settle for something far less.
50% of women lose their sex drives. The other 50 % keep theirs. That means 50% of us guys have to be the UNLUCKY ones that marry their worst nightmares. Unfortuantely, there are two soltuons to this nightmare, and each spouse holds one. This is where the guy really looks bad, she holds the solution to making your marriage great (DESIRE), and you hold the solution that will rip the marriage apart (DIVORCE). So when we implement the one solution that WE as guys can control, everyone thinks we are horrible for it.
I have gained a new found empathy for guys that leave their marriages. I overheard a bunch of women talking this weekend at soccer. One women says "My father got up after 25 years of marriage and said he was no longer in love and left". Then I hear all the other women say, "That is awful, what a beast!" How did your mother take it. Not one women in the group had a FREAKIN CLUE as to why he left. I would lay you 5-1 odds that he left because she was a fridgid bitch. It's all about DESIRE, and why the heck don't these women KNOW THIS. WHo the HECK is telling these women it is OK to be FRIDGID?
