Here we go!!!

[NotATLDave]

Last night we did a HTR for about 10 minutes while in bed and we were talking about intimacy, sex, PM and some of the issues I had last night and how I feel under pressure to perform to give her good feedback. I even admitted that my emotional desire to be with her was exceeding my physical desire and that I'm able to feel a loss in connectedness when we aren't together frequently. I had to put a huge disclaimer on the fact that this in no way affected my 2x week frequency.

Basically folks, I'm feeling like a motivated LD these days. The desire is gone but I don't want to lose the emotional connection I'm feeling towards her. I hate to admit that I need sex to feel that way.

She was able to twist something I had mentioned about hugging as being possibly more intimate than LM into..."so maybe you need *this* (hugging) more frequently". I laughingly replied..."but I really like the sex". W: "I'm not saying sex isn't nice and fun, it's just that this does give a boost". Me: "well I agree, it IS intimate and feels good to hug...but now I actually DO want sex....now" (in a laughing way). So we proceeded to move forward. Note that neither of us had had showers all day and had been outside at the pool, sweating etc. She absolutely amazed me with her ability to even say yes. But again, she wasn't in a sex mood but I let her "do" me. And, like the other night, her lack of excitement made it hard to be excited so I did exectly what I shouldn't have done...I closed my eyes and let my mind wander off and focused on the sensations and not the connection. I guess the hugging filled the emotion pot and then I was just horny. I also felt like I had something to prove to myself...that I could be done.

Again, she gets very high marks for overcoming the need to be clean and have me be clean. She verbally admitted that she enjoys "doing" me even though she doesn't need it. I'm somewhat hoping the frequency will start having the "Davis Effect" on her and that her desire will start to increase. If the decrease in her resistance is any indicator of things, then we are on the right track. She doesn't hate sex and she admits to enjoying the time with me but that it just doesn't come into her head.

Maybe I stop initiating for a while and see if the pattern sticks or maybe I need to keep this up for a few more weeks with lackluster encounters. Not sure. I really shouldn't be initiating to "cure" her, but I keep thinking that it can only help. I really do want to be with her too and the emotional connection stays afloat with regular frequency. Hmmmm. I might see how I feel on a day-to-day basis. Like last night...I just wanted to be with her.